Terrence Kennedy
Why The Friend Zone Is For Chumps: How To Get Out Of The Wretched Fiend Zone
Time and time again guys and gals find themselves stuck in this supposed friend zone with seemingly know escape route in sight. Being in the friend zone puts the poor victims in a perpetual state of torture, because being around someone you got a crush on who sees you just as a friends creates an emotional roller coaster. There is absolutely no reason to stay in the friend zone! You have two options: push things further or move on to something else.
Before we go onto the details of how to get out of the friend zone, let’s first make sure we have a clear definition of the “friend zone”. Basically, there are two types of friend zone scenarios, which are both equally devastating. Friend zone one is when there is one person who feels romantically attracted to the other person while the other person sees them as just friends. The second type of friend zone is when the two are already involved intimately in a friends-with-benefits situation, and one person wants a commitment while the other just wants the benefits.
Why do those in the friend zone torture themselves so much? Someone is either willing to commit to you or not, it is simple as that. If not, it is time to move. Here are some ways that you can work towards getting out of the friend zone and/or deciding if it is just time to move on to someone new.
1. Try To Get Out Of The Friend Zone First
Before you get to claim that you are the friend zone, you have to figure out if you are actually in the zone in the first place. I once had a friend that told me 90% of the time if you are willing to pursue a girl, she’ll at least give you a chance. He always seemed to be cutting through the ladies, and I have a tendency to believe it is true.
Most girls are romantics, and you can count on the fact they may be willing to test out the waters as more than friends. In order to see if they are willing to test out of the water, you must invite them in first. Ask her on a date. Tell her how you feel. Do something besides mope around like a sad looking puppy!
On the other end of the spectrum, ladies, most guys are pretty simple, so the best way to pursue them is like they are oblivious little puppy dogs who need direction. The breakdown of this whole dating for them is simple- they either find you attractive enough to date or they don’t. The only way to find out how they feel is directly talking to them, because otherwise, they may have no clue that they have friend zoned you. Heck, they may have not even noticed the two of you are friends.
2. Do Not Be A Partner Unless You’re Actually Committed
Commitment is sort of like what sex used to be when it comes to the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” What we’re saying is that why would anyone want to commit to you or go a step further towards a relationship when they are getting all of the benefits of a relationship with none of the hassle.
Doing constant favors for someone? Hanging out with them whenever they call? Taking care of them when they’re sick? Catching them whenever they fall? Some of these are qualities of a good friend, but if you want to get out of the friend zone, you can’t keep consistently doing all of the boy/girlfriend type of activities for the person. Learn to just say “no” to the person even if you worry that you may lose the connection that you do have, because otherwise they’re just going to take all you do for them for granted.
3. Realize You Can Fall In Love With Just About Anyone
There was recently a piece in New York Times saying with just a sheet of questions then starring into each other’s eyes for four minutes, you could make any two people fall in love. You may not believe this now since you are pining after someone you have undoubtedly put up on a pedestal, but once you have more experience in the game of love, you may come over to the side of reason that no one is perfect for you necessarily. The crux of it is this: Love can happen to any two people who are willing.
We think the idea of soul mates is all poetical and all, but given the amount of people who fall in love then break up with their supposed soul mates, we’re skeptical of the existence. All relationships are an investment of work and time to make them work. If two people are both willing to put in the time, it’ll work. Why waste all the time and energy on someone who isn’t even willing to take an interest in you when the potential is there? Whatever their motivation, there is little to no chance that they’ll be willing to put in the work required for a relationship if they can’t even de-friend zone you.
4. Her Vagina Is Not Made Of Gold
We mentioned this a little bit in the last section, but one big mistake people make when first pursuing them is putting the crush in question up on an impossibly high pedestal. This illusion of perfection quickly fades whenever you do finally get into a relationship with someone, but if it remains in the friend zone they’ll forever be idealized as some god/goddess.
Stop it!
They are not perfect. No human is even close. If you want to do a fun exercise, try to pick out five things that are seriously wrong with this person. If you are willing to take the veil of idealism off from over your eyes, you’ll soon see the person has flaws as well. Once you realize the person is not perfect it make them either easy to pursue or easier for you to move onto someone who is actually interested in you and your flaws!
5. Bro/Ho Down On The Town
A.k.a. Get a life. When your universe surrounds someone, it not only makes you seem a little boring, but it makes you smell of desperation. Spend time with your other friends instead of spending time with this so called “friend”, because let’s be honest, when you have a crush on someone it ruins the whole friend dynamic, because you can’t completely be yourself when dwelling on intimate feelings.
Spending time with other friends allows you focus more on yourself. It also gets your mind off of you-know-who, so that you aren’t constantly worrying about whether or not Mr./Mrs. Right actually will ever be in a relationship with you or not. This will cure some of the anxiety you are feeling about the situation, so that you don’t feel as bad about it. The world will not end whether or not you end up stuck in the friend zone forever or not, so keep enjoying life in the meantime.
6. Take Over The Power Struggle
Often in relationships, no matter what level, there is this a power struggle of the givers and the takers. One person in the relationship is always putting more into it while the other is taking away. This relationship balances itself naturally, so the more that you give, the more another person will take. Often people who are stuck in the friend zone are giving way too much while the other party does all the taking. To get out of the friend zone you need to become more of a taker.
Well, why not give them a dose of their own medicine? Instead of giving to them all of the time, start cutting them off. Don’t suggest hanging out. Don’t do them favors. Don’t message them. Don’t show up on time. Go on dates with other people. There is a huge chance that once they notice your absence that they will start seeking you out instead of the opposite way around. It is manipulative, but it is definitely an escape hatch out of the friend zone!
7. Remember You’re One Of A Kind
Listen, you’re awesome. Really. If someone else can’t see the beauty in all of the little things that comprise your identity, then why not move onto someone who will? The more time you spend toiling away, you are consistently eating away at your confidence. Why not focus on you rather than focus on desperately going after someone?
Confidence is something that attracts anyone, I don’t care who you are. Until you can go into a relationship with the attitude that it doesn’t work out that’ll you’ll be fine, become you are awesome, then you’ll struggle whether you are in the friend zone or not. This may sound cliché, but learn to love you first before pursuing more serious relationships.