Terrence Kennedy
Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion, one that I’m sure we have all felt at one point or another in our lives. It is so powerful in fact, that it can drive us a little crazy, make logic nearly impossible, and can cause us to act out in ways which we would never expect.
It is because of the power that it holds over us, that so many men who have freshly dropped out of broken relationships have doggedly looked for advice on how to make their Ex jealous in the hopes that they can use these stirred emotions to get their ladies back; and while it might be an incredibly effective technique, one should always take extreme care when going this route to being reunited with your ex.
"Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion..."
Nevertheless, if you must tangle up her heartstrings to have your way, understanding a little more about this overpowering emotion will make your strategy more effective, and far less harmful:
How to Make your Ex Jealous in Order to Get Her Back
Knowing a little more about Jealousy will keep things from getting messy
We’ll discuss how to make your Ex jealous but first, let’s define jealousy. Jealousy is commonly a rather fuzzy concept in people’s minds. It is not simply a matter of wanting what you can’t have (that would be envy, a very different emotion), and it is not simply wanting something or someone all to yourself.
Jealousy is a reflection of an injured pride, a damaged heart, and the loss of something which once felt like a limb.
It is the taking of all of the anger, love, hate, lost happiness and sadness that you have felt throughout and after your relationship; fashioning it into a metaphorical newspaper roll, and then having it smashed over your nose like a dog who has acted up and so training you to be humbler, broken, insecure and lost.
Jealousy is the monster under the bed of every untrusting person, and as far as emotions go; I would happily wager that jealousy is the worst of them all.
Check out this video:
Jealousy almost always has a consequence:
Many years ago, I knew a boy named Paul; and as my father would say, the grass would never grow under his feet. This means that he was in and out of relationships, always stringing a long line of ex-girlfriends behind him which he insisted were now ‘friends’.
A few of them would even come with him on dates with new women, and while he felt like the world’s greatest playboy, he was completely oblivious to the impact his actions were having on the women around him.
He woke up one day with a knife in his motorbike seat, another with a death-threat from someone claiming to be part of the mafia, weeping phone-calls from private numbers in the middle of the night; and one day he turned around and noticed a long line of defeated, worn out husks that he had once lusted after, each dreaming of the day when they could exact their revenge and completely destroy his life.
Paul never did get what he had coming to him, but his legacy as a lady-killer began to precede him, and these days he sits alone at a bar with nothing but his conscience for company.
This is the legacy that jealousy can bring, and so using it as a means to keep those vulnerable to you eating out of your hand, should be done with very careful consideration.
You need to understand that your ex is a living, breathing human with the same intensity of emotions that you have before using jealousy to get them back. Think about what it would do to your social sphere and others’ opinions of you, and how it would affect the person you are using to ignite such an emotion.
If you are still willing to take the risk even knowing what damage it may bring, then there are far more subtle ways than the high-school boy tactic of rubbing it in her face with your next flavour of the week.
3 Categories of Jealousy Induction
Since jealousy has often been seen as a way to protect the strength of relationships (when used correctly), there have been numerous studies conducted on the matter throughout the years.
Through these studies, it has been agreed that there are 3 different strategies to create jealousy within a partner:
- Relational distancing
- The flirtation façade
- Relational alternatives
Each of these have very particular applications depending on when and how they are used, but researchers are still unsure as to which ones are the most effective or commonly used.
But let’s discuss each one here:
Relational distancing: I’m okay, you’re not
Out of the three different categories, this is the one that is usually the least damaging to individuals and to relationships as a whole.
The idea behind relational distancing is to create a sense of doubt with regards to your commitment to your partner or ex, and it would work something like this:
You simply act disinterested, as though their absence from you means nothing.
Going on like there has been no change since your break-up, or indeed, as though you are happier without them, will likely cause a sense of anxiety, self-doubt and insecurities within your ex, making them wonder if they were better off with you than you were with them.
This method has been known to strengthen relationships by fostering closer ties between those who take their partner’s commitment for granted, and is commonly referred to as a freeze-out by pickup artists who use the method to seal the deal.
The Flirtation façade: Rubbing her nose in it
The flirtation façade is my least favourite of the three since it digs deep to toy with the emotions of everyone involved.
The idea behind it is that by showing flirtatious behaviour towards other woman in front of your ex, you will create within her a desire to have you back.
In doing so you are appealing to centuries of evolutionary developments that help women ensure that the mate they have chosen, is likely to stick with them when raising offspring, rather than dropping them for a younger rival with stronger jeans (to put it biologically).
The danger here is that you are messing with her basest emotions related to your relationship, creating a terrible sense of anger for you, herself and for whoever you are flirting with; which could cause even the sweetest girl to act out maliciously (and rightly so).
Furthermore, you should think about the third party involved here, that is the woman with whom you are flirting with. Using her as a tool to make your ex jealous will not likely sit well with her, creating a new female enemy for you to deal with.
There is also no reliable way to tell if you are doing this to get your ex back, or if your motives are simply malicious and you just want to see her hurt. No matter how nasty the breakup was, being the monster that you see in her is never a good way to go.
Relational alternatives: Going back to the old
The relational alternatives tactic is probably by far the most dangerous for you as the person who is undertaking it. The idea behind it is that extreme jealousy can be invoked in your ex (or your current partner) by showing an interest in rekindling a former relationship.
Why is this a particularly dangerous tactic?
Simply put, if you are at the point where you are considering using jealousy to get your ex back, you are likely not feeling particularly settled (as far as your emotional and mental states are concerned), so why would you confuse the matter even further by trying to get back into contact with a partner from a long-ended relationship?
Consider the possibility of opening up those old wounds you’ve suffered in the past, just to pour salt on the ones you and your current ex are feeling now. While it might be a particularly effective way of getting your ex to think again, you might get more emotional discord than you’ve bargained for.
A final warning to save you some heartache
While these 3 tactics might be pretty effective in the short-term, they will create knots in the fabric of your relationship, and so they should be done with extreme care.
Being reunited with your ex through the channel of jealousy is fine and well, but if the next phase of your relationship is to be kicked off through such a negative emotion, it could well set a tone of distrust and disrespect through the rest of it.
The chances of this destroying the relationships and the hearts of whoever is in it, are pretty high; and there is always a price to pay for hurting others, even if collection is only due some many years down the line.