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7 Reasons Why She’s Just Not in the Mood for Sex

Every man, at some point, has had to endure the frustration of being refused sex from their partner.

When this happens, especially in long term relationships, it can be easy to assume that it’s your fault she’s not in the mood for sex, resulting in your ego taking quite the beating.

If you’ve had to take a walk down that path, then you might have been wondering why she is simply not up for it.

Well there could be hundreds of reasons, and not all of them are You.

So, to help set your mind at ease, or to deal with any reasons why she may seem disinterested, here are some of the causes for her choice to abstain.​

Why She’s Just Not in the Mood for Sex

You’ve annoyed her, and now you’ll both pay for it

not in the mood for sex

Let’s deal with the most feared reason first, because this is a common occurrence in most relationships (according to Cosmopolitan). Men and women piss each other off, especially those that live together or have been in a long relationship. There is simply no way around that.

But if you have done something to annoy her, be it recently or something in the past that she refuses to let go of, it could seriously have an impact on both of your sex lives.

Even if she is fired up and rearing to go, having a mark next to your name in her little black book could make her reluctant to make love with you; and women are notoriously good at denying their own pleasures to teach you a lesson.​

So, how do you fix this?

Communication is key. While arguments are all part of a healthy relationship, drawing them out for longer than you need to will poison both your love and sex lives, kill the romance, and cause the whole situation to spiral silently downward.

When you know she is upset, try and talk it out with her. Ignoring the problem will only make it worse.​

Somebody’s hygiene is getting in the way: Clean it up for better sex

While this might not stand true for all women, most of them are acutely sensitive to bodily hygiene, smells and dirt; particularly when sex is concerned.

So, she’s just come back from her post-work sports team practice and you’ve been mowing the lawn in the hot, setting sun.

The physical activity has done wonders for both of your libidos but for some reason, she just isn’t in the mood. It is probably because she feels icky, or is not too pleased about having your sweating, odorous body slapping up against hers.​

So, how do you fix this:

​Really? It’s quite simple. Take a shower, have her do the same. She might prefer to do it in privacy, or you could use it as an excuse to start foreplay in the shower. Whichever way you do it, being clean will make her more comfortable, more present, and more in the mood.

So, if she’s not in the mood for sex, it could be that she can’t bring herself to feel sexy.​

Check out this video:​

She’s doesn’t feel sexy today: There’s little you can do about that

We all have days where our body doesn’t quite feel right, or it might even disappoint us when we look in the mirror. Feeling ugly, bloated or fat is just a part of life, and almost everybody does it from time to time.

For women, however, this feeling is not easily shirked. As products of a society that demands grace, sexiness and beauty from women, they tend to be very sensitive to their physical features.

A woman who is feeling fat or unattractive wants to hide beneath layers of clothing and move away from the world; so, good luck getting her to feel sexy enough to undress today.​

You could try giving her compliments, try making her feel beautiful (for what it’s worth). But to be honest, once a woman slips into that frame of mind, there is very little you can do to bring her out of it.​

Life is getting in the way; give her an escape to get her in the mood

Being stuck in a rut and letting your job, social obligations and life in general sap you of your energy is not a great way to stay geared up for sex.

While love-making is possibly the perfect way to unwind, a stressed mind might be keeping your lady too distracted and otherwise exhausted to take an interest in sex.

A woman needs to be mentally present to truly enjoy love-making, while men tend to be able to enjoy the act even when their minds are elsewhere. This simple fact could be dampening her mood and not her hot-spots.

So, what can you do?

Try change up your routine a little bit. Take her for dinner, a movie or a nice relaxing walk in the park. The important thing is to change things up and help her mentally escape from her daily grind. This will make her feel less exhausted, freeing up that needed energy for sex.

Here's a good thing to do, check this video out:​

She’s feeling under the weather: and you’re no doctor

Illnesses are almost always mood killers, but there are some which have the power to completely destroy a woman’s sex-drive far more than the fabled sex-killing headache.

I am of course talking about those that affect her sexual organs. Yeast infections, dryness, sensitivity issues and menstruation are but a few of the problems she might face downstairs which not only make her feel unclean, but might actually become more serious if you guys have sex.

She hasn’t groomed herself for sex

The idea of spontaneous sex is easy for guys to find appealing, and that’s because we have very little preparations to take care of before we can feel sexy. Women on the other hand, have quite a bit to take care of.

Slight body odors, messy hair, unshaven legs, pits and pubic hair are all reasons why she isn’t feeling ready and trying to convince her that her natural state is still a turn on, doesn’t always work. This can be a little vexing because it has a tendency to ruin the spontaneity of sex.

So how can you navigate this hurdle?

If you two live together, take note of her grooming habits, and work your instigations around when you know she has taken care of her personal grooming and is feeling ready to get her gear off without feeling awkward.

​Alternatively, give her a little privacy to go off and take care of what she needs to, or (if you’re feeling brave enough and she is the type to agree to it), offer to help her out with her grooming as part of a bonding and intimate activity.

She’s helped herself; but you can get around that

People masturbate, that is a very normal fact of life for both men and women. Have you ever found yourself in the following situation:

You’ve got the house to yourself and some time on your hands, so you take the sneaky opportunity to rub one out. Not long after you finish, however, she comes home and picks the worst possible time to want to go for a ride; but you, having taken the car around the block, are out of gas. Unless you have the stamina of a Bonobo, it is unlikely you’ll be in the mood.

News-flash! Women need to masturbate too:

In a recent survey involving 1000 women between the ages of 18 and 30, it was discovered that 92% of women openly admit to masturbating, with two thirds of them pleasuring themselves at least three times a week.

Fortunately for you, it is far easier for a woman to have her fire ignited soon after climax than it is for a man; so you haven’t lost out if you work at getting her aroused (most of the time).

Even better, you can use it to your advantage by speaking about masturbation as an opening for some sexy talk. Perhaps offer to help her out the next time.

What do you think?

Written by Terrence Kennedy

Terrence Kennedy is the man’s man on a journey to self-discovery. A traveler, extreme sports aficionado, an observant wanderer, a DIY-Know-How, an ultimate outsider and a documentarist of culture, sex, dating, relationship, fashion, style and gentleman's etiquette. He has learned a lot through his escapades, and is happy to pass that knowledge on to you.