Talking to women can be nerve-racking. Even for a lot of guys who muster up the courage to talk to a girl in the first place, they freeze during the conversation. And if the conversation does get going, it will likely die out within a few minutes because they don’t know how to talk to women.
But talking to women doesn’t have to be hard. If you want to become an expert at it, then you need to follow the guiding principles and techniques below.
5 Rules to Follow in Every Conversation
In all your conversations with women, you need to adopt the right frame of mind so that you can come across as an attractive man who is congruent with+ what he says and who he is. The best set of these ideas comes from RSD Tyler.
In this video, he lays out the 5 rules you must follow for every conversation.
- Whatever you say has value.
- Whatever you have to say is interesting because you think it’s interesting or compelling.
- Be in the moment, don’t think ahead.
- Lower your standards for how good it has to be for it to be good enough.
- It’s not what you say, but the energy behind how you say it.
Those are some powerful thoughts. If you ever want to learn how to talk to women, you must ingrain these into your mind.
Guidelines for Having Amazing Conversations with Women
It’s important that you be able to have some guidelines and techniques to follow in your conversations with women. These may require some practice at first, but over time they will became a habit in all your conversations.
1. Understand the Importance of Non-Verbal Communication
As you know, non-verbal communication is a huge portion of how we perceive others—your conversations with women are no exception. Therefore, you’re going to have to do everything in your power to make a great first impression.
Looking good is a big part of this. Having good style and grooming is going to make girls want to get to know you. But non-verbal communication goes beyond looks. It includes your body language and posture which communicate your levels of confidence and dominance—it shows that you’re truly an alpha male.
Social cues are also important. If you sit quietly in the corner all night, and then try and talk to a chick, she’s going to be aware of your behavior. Instead, be the guy who is having fun and talking to people throughout the night (assuming you meet women at bars).
2. Don’t Try and Prove Yourself
Going back to those 5 rules, you must accept yourself as you are if you want to understand how to talk to women. Girls have a lot of different traits they look for in a man, but again, the way that is conveyed is non-verbal.
For example, if you make good money you shouldn’t brag about how much money you have in your bank account—that comes across as desperate. Instead, make sure to dress sophisticated, and take your look up a notch by wearing a nice watch and shoes. Women will definitely notice these details and will give them the impression you want to give, without seeming like a jerk.
“Minimal Effort. Maximum Awareness”
A powerful principle for your interactions with women is the idea of ‘Minimal Effort, Maximum Awareness’. Essentially what this means is that, again, trying too hard is not attractive. In your conversations you should be putting in the minimum amount of effort—any more comes across as needy.
However, you must couple this with ‘maximum awareness.’ This means that you are perfectly in tune with the conversation, and are closely listening to every word that comes out of her mouth. This allows you to really hear her out, ask great questions, and say witty lines at the right time.
Stephen from Authentic Game really breaks it down in this video:
3. Get Her Laughing and Have Fun
Although you shouldn’t act like a goofy clown, you should make all your interactions with women fun and memorable. Here are a few techniques to do just that:
David DeAngelo came up with the idea of cocky funny, as a way of bring humor to all conversations. It’s a simple way of turning any conversation into something fun.
It works like this. If a girl is sitting down and grabs your hand to help her up, you could say, “Whoa! We just met and you’re already holding hands.” Any light teasing along those lines is perfect.
Let’s say you’re talking to a girl at the bar. You then see a drunk guy across the room falling over himself. Point to him and say, “I think you and him would make a good couple.” This is similar to cocky funny, but it brings the environment you’re in into the equation.
Storytelling is an art that’s unanimously appreciated. Make sure that in your conversations with women you always have good stories to tell.
This doesn’t mean you have to be doing crazy shenanigans every week end to get new material, however. In fact, you should instead come up with 2-3 stories you can always tell like a pro.
4. Get Her Talking By Asking the Right Questions
During the initial phase of the conversation, you’re actually going to be responsible for carrying most of the conversation. This is because a girl is still judging whether she’s into you or not, as well as being a bit shy . However, after you’ve held the conversation for about 5-10 minutes, you need to get her talking.
The best way to do this is by talking about what she likes. Talking about football or MMA is probably not going to interest most girls. Ask them questions about what they like, what they’re interests are etc. and get them to open up.
Another important aspect of getting a girl to talk about herself and her passions is that it associates you with good emotions. She’ll certainly keep this in mind going forward.
Ask Open Ended Questions
To really get the most out of that last technique, you want to use open ended questions. For example, don’t ask this:
You: Did you go to the beach this summer?
By asking her a yes or no question, it makes it easier for her to give one word answers. If you really want to get a good conversation going, then ask her an open ended question—that can be in the form of a statement—that allows her to talk at length.
You: So what kind of crazy things did you do this summer?
Her: Haha, well me and my friends went to…
This is a superb technique that is bond to generate conversation.
5. Make it Sexy
When talking with a pretty goal you must be aware of your goal—getting her in the sack. One of the best ways to keep this goal in mind is trough screening.
‘Screening’ a girl is a way to make her qualify herself to show that she is down to fuck (DTF). Again, because you are being clear in your intentions you want to be direct and bold.
Chris from Good Looking Loser has awesome articles and videos on the subject.
Pause…and Embrace the Silence
One mistake a lot of guys make when learning how to talk to women is talking too much. Like we mentioned before, you’re going to have to do more talking at first, and then get her to do most of it. However, a lot of guys panic when a conversation thread dies out. They get flustered and start spewing the first thing that comes out of their mouth.
This destroys one of the most powerful techniques when talking to girls: The Pause.
Think about it: The conversation dies out. You two are smiling, looking deep into each other’s eyes. It’s powerful and women love it as it makes them feel sexy and wanted.
So when your conversations die out in the middle of a conversation, don’t panic. Pause, smile and stare like a sexy beast.
Be Clear in Your Intentions
The last place you want to end up is the dreaded friend zone—a place where men (or should we say boys) are put by women who aren’t sexually attracted to them. The reason these guys end up in the friendzone is because they never make their intentions clear. They’re attracted to the girl, but never had the balls to make a move.
If you ever want to get anywhere with women, then you have to be bold and shameless in your conversations. Stare at her sexually, touch her, kiss her and ask her for her number of to ‘get some privacy’.
Most guys fear this because they may get rejected, and most times you will. But it’s those other times that are going to get you laid.
So there you have it—how to talk to women.
Remember at first, implementing all this may be tough, but practice makes perfect. Take it one step at a time if you need to and before long you’ll be wooing women left and right.