You can use this time to create a relationship that is fun, exciting, and one that truly works for you, and your partner. Here are five tips to do just that:

1. Get Clear on What You Desire in Your Life

If you are wondering how getting clear on what you desire in your life has to do with spicing up your relationship, it has everything to do with it. From the time we are very young, our parents, our schools, our culture, and our society tell us what we should value. They decide what is important and what we should want and then those things are oftentimes imposed on us. Many of us were taught to never question this; rather to simply go along with it, which results in many unhappy people living less than joyful lives.

Happy people have better relationships. So, get happy! Don’t wait for your partner to be happy so that you can. You choose happy for you. One way to do that is to be brutally honest with yourself with regards to what it is you actually desire. You have to start to ask, “What is true for me? What do I desire for and in my life?” Once you have clarity on this, then you can take daily action on the specific things you’ve uncovered. 

2.  Stop Blaming Your Partner 

A common thing that occurs in relationships is that we look for our partner to do and be the things we desire rather than choosing to do and be them for ourselves, and then we blame them for what isn’t working. If your relationship has flatlined a bit, rather than sitting around wondering when your partner is going to do something different, you do something different. 

Ask yourself, “What can I choose here to change this? What choice can I make to make this more fun?” Waiting around for change will keep change in the future. You have to choose it, and you can choose it now.

3. Space is a Good Thing

Most of us need a little space from time to time. During this time of self-isolation around the world, it may be required for some of us even more. If you require space for yourself, ask for it, and find a way to make it work. If your partner is resistant to granting that space to you, lower your walls, drop your barriers and let them know, “Me requiring space does not mean anything about you. It just means I need some space. If you will let me have space when I need it, then I can come back and contribute to you more.” And it is true. Have you noticed that when we take time for ourselves, we are able to offer more to the people we care about? It contributes all around. 

4. Make It About the Other Person

If things are a bit stressful between you and your partner, or if you simply know it could be way more fun than it is currently, here is a tool to try. Make everything about the other person. Don’t make it about you. “Can I get your coffee? Can I make you tea? Or breakfast?” You may be very resistant to this one at first. That’s ok. Just give it a try. Practice for 24-48 hours and see if something changes. 

5. Saying Thank You

The greatest relationship killer, the thing that will pour water on the spice and the spark is judgment, and yet judgment is what many relationships are built on. We judge our partners. We judge the relationship. We judge ourselves. Gratitude is the anecdote to judgment. Judgment and gratitude cannot exist at the same time. So, choose gratitude. What are you grateful for about you? What are you grateful for about your partner? What does work in your relationship? Choose gratitude. Keep choosing gratitude and watch things grow. 

An exciting and fun relationship starts with you. What do you desire for your life? What is fun for you? Do those things. Let go of the expectations of your partner and stop blaming them. Your choice can change what isn’t working so stop waiting on them to do something different. Give yourself space when it is required and grant it when it is requested. Be willing to make things about your partner when things get a little stressful rather than demanding that they fix things for you. Choose gratitude. All of these actions can be summed up in one word… choice. You are once choice from change. It is up to you.