I think we can all agree that at some point in time, we’ve had to handle the insoluble dilemma of ending a relationship.
The time it reaches a nerve-wracking point where you have to decide whether to bank on the relationship or bring it to an end. These moments are tormenting and require a proper approach to avoid causing more pain and anguish.
According to the date report website, 85% of relationships end in breakups. The report further identified that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Ending a long term relationship involves a lot of tensions and uncertainty. No one is always willing to compromise the many years of being together but they let it happen embarrassingly.
In many relationships, the break-up period is often murky and infested with extreme odium. In the end, it boils down to asking yourself a handful of questions whether your actions concur with your inner self.
"The time it reaches a nerve-wracking point where you have to decide whether to bank on the relationship or bring it to an end..."
Questioning yourself just before making that final decision will help you go through the breakup well and have a better life afterward.
10 Questions to Consider Before Ending a Relationship.
1. Am I happy or unhappy most of the time?
It is evident that no relationship lacks ups and downs or comes with unprecedented trials and tribulations.
Stronger relationships have been defined by the struggles the partners had to undergo. Therefore, you should afford a little happiness in the relationship regardless of how bad or worse it is. Remember no matter how annoying a frog’s croak is it cannot prevent an elephant from drinking water. Your life aside from the relationship requires some happiness.
Mark D. White, Ph.D. says, “You should never stay in a relationship just because you feel you should.” If you cannot afford happiness in the relationship, you have every reason to disclose your feelings and decisions to your partner.
Most relationships if not all experience that extreme moment, but are held firm by the commitment that binds the couple together. When a relationship is devoid of any commitments, the couples tend to relax and think of other alternatives. In the end, one partner may opt out and thus bring some imbalance.
Sometimes commitments are capable of lifting the weight of keeping a relationship intact, but they cannot do it forever. According to Mark D., “a relationship must have some meaningful value to support the couple’s commitment to it.”
2. Am I experiencing the best out of this relationship
In your relationship, do you feel the best version of yourself or a counterfeit version of lesser value?
An ideal partner will support you, encourage you and share happy moments with you when you achieve a new goal or level up in your life. If your partner drags you down, evokes negative emotions in you or does not meet your personal desires, you need to pause and ask yourself which direction is your relationship headed.
If you find out you are better off going solo than being in a relationship, it's all up to your choice.
3. Am I sacrificing more than I should?
Don’t treat a relationship like a burden in your life. If you feel you are committing more than you should, question what they are bringing to the table and seek a balance.
If you are committing more than enough, you should check whether the other person is doing equally enough to complement your input. If your deliveries outweigh your partner’s you should probably seek a solution or part simply ways.
4. Do you have mutual goals and passions for the future?
In many relationships wanting to last forever, talks about the future are always a common mention.
In ending relationships the partners are often headed different directions and as such will have different goals and passions for the future. In such a situation, there is little to zero luck of saving the dying relationship.
Couples can have two different opinions about the future and if at any time in the future your goals don’t meet, probably you won’t blend well together.
Look for the perfect match whom you feel you share the same passions about the future.
5. Are creating enough time for one another?
We are all burdened by various obligations keeping us away from each other most of the time. In today’s world, it has become hard finding that time together when you can create and enjoy lasting moments. However, no responsibility should be considered bigger than the love you share.
Partners will always try to make up time, but if all you receive is a list of countless excuses, you should reconsider your position in the relationship. If you are not getting the time you desire, why should you consider being in that relationship?
6. Are you quarreling many times than laughing?
Relationships should not feel like a hard work or awful part of your life; they should delight you, uplift you, inspire you and rejuvenate you.
Relationships are prone to quarrels, but if you spend most of your time quarreling each other than having delightful moments together, this should be an indicator all is not well.
Bring more happiness into your life by maintaining those friends who make your soul shine than those who darken your spirits.
7. Am I getting Value added to my life?
Ask yourself whether your partner adds value to your life. Does your partner influence your life in a positive way?
If you realize your energy is not reciprocated within the relationship and whatever you are receiving is unsatisfactory, hey! It’s time to pack a leave.
8. Do I really love her/him or I just want to us to be together?
We are often blinded by the idea that people will eventually change if we allow them more time and give them the support they require. The truth is that, a person can only change if he/she chooses to.
Moreover, if you are unwilling to accept and love someone at their current state, do you think you will be able to love them in the future when they are changed? If you cannot clearly express that you love your partner, be ready to tell them the truth rather than wasting their precious time. The truth hurts, but the pain of hiding under a false relationship is damaging.
9. Would my life be better without them?
This is the million dollar question you need to scrutinize and think over it again and again. Ask yourself what will your life look like without them in the picture? If you see a new version of yourself happier and freer than being in the relationship, you need to sit down with your partner and agree the best way forward.
Breakups can cause temporary sickness and emotional mix up in your life and your partner’s life, but soon you’ll recover and embrace the happiness and freedom you’ve always dream of.
10. Will I regret later in life for not ending the relationship now?
Three years from now do you picture yourself wishing you could have ended the relationship? Living with regrets is worse than leaving a dissatisfying relationship that will leave you single for a while.
Stay firm and true to yourself and never stay in a relationship because you are comfortable or are not willing to hurt your partner’s feelings.
Use these ten questions to run a quick diagnosis of your relationship. Find the ten answers and let them guide you to effecting that change you seek.