Terrence Kennedy
"My girlfriend broke up with me", one of the toughest lines a man can say to himself. Everyone has been dumped. It’s one of the most frequently written about subjects in any genre, in any medium: thousands of books, countless films, millions of poems and enough songs to keep iTunes in business, is the break-up of relationships, or, to put it another, less delicate way, being dumped.
In pop music, every nuance from the devastation of the moment of breakup (Nilsson, Without You), to the confusion afterward (Dusty Springfield, I Just Don’t Know What to do With Myself) to the frenzied anger with the ex (Ben Folds Five, Song for the Dumped).
Despite the trauma, you can get over it. So, given the range of emotions, how do you deal with this? This article will give you some tips to deal with the heartache of a breakup, whether you are in the ‘Nothing compares 2 U’ stage or the ‘Post Break-Up Sex’ stage
She-toxification after My Girlfriend Broke Up with Me
Don’t clutch at straws. There is no point and it will make you more desirable.
We’ve all been dumped before, and, perhaps secretly, been in denial. Maybe they didn’t mean it. Maybe they can’t cope with their feelings. Once, my girlfriend dumped me.
I believed I was in love with this girl. The evening of our breakup, she left a message on my answerphone. ‘I think I’ve made a mistake’, she said tearfully. I eagerly grabbed this olive branch, only to find out subsequently that she had not in fact made a mistake.
This illustrates that you need to try and move on. Don’t take every text message asking if you are OK as a sign that she still loves you. Just accept that she no longer wants to be with you.
Though some research does show that dwelling on the end of a relationship may be healthy, as this allows people to put the past behind them you don't want to dwell TOO much. A period of reflection is fine, but focusing TOO much and ruminating obsessively will just make it harder to forget and move on.
Check out this video on how to deal with a break up:
Don’t chase them to try and get them back. It will send her a clear message.
There is only so much you can chase after your ex and follow them around. After a while, let’s be honest, this will only become creepy.
Don’t chase them, initiate contact, turn up at their place, or any of the other things you may want to do. This will only make you feel worse, and make the feel less of you.
Men’s Health magazine suggests a she-tox; stay away, don't go to the same places, don’t hang around with mutual friends, and don’t even think about calling. Also, surround yourself with female friends, the hotter the better.
They will be more receptive talking about it so you can share your feelings, and it will increase your self-esteem.
Finally, as a bonus, this will get back to your ex, and make her jealous. Rather than drunk texting her and begging her to take you back, you will be sending her the silent message; "I'm okay, I'm moving on!"
Beware of social media and the drunk dial.
Nick Notas, the dating and confidence consultant, believes that you need to cut all contact. Delete them from Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, whatever else. Delete them from your phone.
Don’t try to be friends if you still have feelings for them. DON’T be tempted to text them when you are drunk: it is NOT, I repeat NOT attractive.
Failure to do these things will just allow you to keep track of them, allow you to obsessively stalk them on Facebook to check what they are doing and who they are dating, and will stop you from moving on.
Engage yourself to different activities to help work on your self esteem.
You need to take your mind off the breakup, so you need to get out of the house: indulge in exercises which will help you de-stress and will release endorphins to make you feel better.
Go out with some friends that you have probably been neglecting while you were with her. Travel, see new places or do some work around the house. Go to the theater, or to a concert. Go on a date. All of this thing will help you feel better about yourself and will help you to realize again that you can do new things.
Again, another bonus is that you will be interacting with people, and may find someone else who you are interested in.
Check out this awesome video by Redbull to inspire you to go out and explore:
Get back out there. You’ll soon find someone else!
Modern technology and dating sites and apps such as Tinder and Match.com have changed dating and breaking up forever, and have made it easier to meet people.
Get rid of the phrase "my girlfriend broke up with me". Get it out of your mind. Everyone who has ever been dumped understands the feelings of rejection and the desire to prove that you have still got it through rebound sex.
However, many may not realize the supposed real scientific benefits of break up sex. Controlled studies have exposed some interesting findings. One such study focused on university students who had suffered a break up. Over a semester, the researchers found that participants were using sex to express their anger, or for revenge.
The researchers believed that they may take longer to get over a breakup. Most participants showed the motives mentioned previously for rebound-sex immediately following being dumped. This then lessened over time. Findings suggested the people who engaged in breakup sex were slower to recover.
However, this was probably the result of their higher commitment to the relationship that had ended, and the rebound probably helped them to take their mind of their ex.
Patricia Rich who is a licensed social worker, says it could be beneficial, as it gives you physical intimacy at a time when you may miss it most.
Get over it!
It's a cliché, but you need to get over it, and you will. She is not coming back, so you need to move on. You need to accept it’s over.
Even if you wish that she would come back and you want to win her back, ironically NOT thinking this will make it more likely that this will happen.
Stop looking at all of your old mementos, and don’t try and manipulate mutual friends and family into convincing them to take you back. If you carry on thinking like this, then you will never be able to move on. In the words of another pop song;
Dry your eyes mate
I know it’s hard to take but her mind has been made up
There’s plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you’ve got to walk away now
It’s over... ; Dry Your Eyes by the Streets