If you have ever been in a relationship dominated by jealousy, then you know the mental and emotional torture of suspecting your other half of infidelity. She’s been behaving a little differently, hasn’t been making enough time for you or seems distracted when you are around, which is getting into your head and making you wonder if you really are her one and only.
It seems you’ve reached a crossroads in your relationship, and to know which way to go, you’ll need signs to point you in the right direction. What I mean by this, is that if you suspect she is cheating, you should look for ways of being certain about your hunches before making your next decision about the relationship.
But her mind and experiences are a locked box, and there is no way you are getting in there to find out for sure; so maybe these behavioral changes will give you a better idea:
How to Tell if She is Cheating; The Telltale Signs
Her Phone is her biggest buffer between you two
One of the first things you’ll notice if she has been spending her time with someone else, is how much more frequently she checks her phone, and how much more time she spends on it.
Her phone is the means by which she is communicating with anyone from the outside, and if she wasn’t as fixated on it before as she is now, then there is possibly someone on the other end coming between the two of you.
Is she suddenly and suspiciously keeping her phone out of your reach? That’s not a very good sign. It could be that she just takes her privacy very seriously, but there is always the chance that there is something in her messages that she doesn’t want you to see.
She’s been making big changes
She’s suddenly joined a gym, purchased an entire new wardrobe and cut her hair into a sassier style and there are no New-Year’s resolutions or explanations in sight.
Maybe she’s just trying out a bit of a transformation, maybe she wants to feel a little sexier, maybe she is doing it for someone else. When it comes to sudden, big changes in her appearance, behavior and schedule, there is often cause for concern, though not if it comes alongside an explanation or an attempt to get you to do the same.
Still, if it happens on the quiet, you need to start asking yourself, and possibly her, some hard questions.
You found another Facebook profile
So, you got a new friend suggestion on Facebook and, oh look at that; it’s your girlfriend. A second social media profile is an immediate cause for concern, it means she is engaging in activities away from you and your friends, and purposely hiding it for some reason.
There are very few excuses for people leading double lives, and even fewer of them are legitimately trustworthy ones. Unless you’re dating a double agent (which by the laws of reality, never happens) there are very few reasons to assume that she is not playing the dating game away from your prying eyes.
She is unexpectedly social
While allowing each other time apart to do your own thing is healthy in any relationship, it shouldn’t take you very long to get a reading on what her social life is like, and as your relationship develops, both you and her will likely cool down the party a little.
So, what then does it mean to you if she suddenly finds her social life brimming with activity. Is she off with the ladies every other night, meeting frequently with friends after work or going away on weekends with the family?
While this doesn’t necessarily point to the possibility of infidelity, if her social life takes a boost with no explanation or reason, and remains active without you in it, you should be asking questions.
She suddenly has no trust in you
For me, there are few signs truer of cheating than if she suddenly, and without reason, starts accusing you of the same. I’ve had this myself a few times, and in each and every one, the rat that smelled was waiting to be caught.
By accusing you of cheating, she is validating her decision to do the same, which can go a long way towards easing her conscience. Another reason could be that she is searching for a way out of the relationship which doesn’t leave her looking like the villain.
It is important to remember that even if she isn’t cheating, an open display of trust issues is something that needs to be dealt with as soon as it becomes a part of your relationship; lest it be characterized by nothing but jealousy.
Check out this funny skit:
No more future plans
What happened to getting a house together, holidays are coming up and there hasn’t been a mention of what to do; in fact, it seems like she never feels comfortable discussing the future with you at all. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there is a very good chance then, that she hasn’t planned on keeping you around.
Okay, there is always the chance that life has just gotten in the way and her mind has been on other things. However, if you can recall a time when you were a part of her future plans but can’t remember where and when things changed; you and her need to have a little chat.
She might not necessarily be cheating; but it does sound like she is ready to move on.
She is miserable around you
When you cheat on someone you are close with, especially over a long period of time, it doesn’t take long before you start to resent them. The very face of your partner can stir up some nasty, frustrating feelings, and more importantly, a lack of respect for them.
This often leads to sulky or snappy behavior being exhumed for no apparent reason; but people are allowed the odd inexplicable mood-swing from time to time.
If, however, she was once a joy to be around, but has been miserable (only in your company) for a while; then warning bells should start ringing; because something is very wrong in your relationship.
Where the hell does she go?
Has your girlfriend started disappearing off of the radar for long periods of time with no palpable explanation as to what she was up to? It’s happened again, her phone is off and no one knows where she is; and she never used to do this.
One of two things could be happening here: either she has taken to becoming a drug-dealer, or she could well be disappearing with someone else.
Depending on how well you know her, and how long you have been together; there could be a very plausible explanation for what she is doing, so it might be unfair to assume that she is cheating if you don’t know where she is going. However, if this is not the only reason for your concern then you should probably speak to her, or call it off
Intimacy is Dead
While the two of you will cool down the sex and cuddling as the relationship wears on, you should never be able to have a relationship without it. Sex is important even for couples that have been married for 50 years, so there is no reason why you and your girlfriend should be faced with intimacy issues without warning; no reason that you would like to hear anyway.
If she has been giving herself to someone else, then intimacy with you will make her feel horrible, guilty and dirty; and if it has been an ongoing affair, being with you could feel more like cheating than being with him.
So, if intimacy has died and has stayed that way without any explanation; either there are some more deeply-seeded issues under there, or she is cheating.
Deal with it sooner than later
Unless you have proof of what you think she has been up to, deciding what to do with your suspicions can be incredibly tough, often leading people to sit and let the situation fester. While this may be a good approach while gathering information, if you don’t take action at some point you could spend years wondering if she is yours or someone else’s.
If she is cheating, the situation will only worsen with time, eventually erupting into a catastrophe that will take both you and her months or even years to recover from.
You need to have the chat with her as soon as possible, without any distractions, and with no expectations of clearing the matter up in one foul swoop. Working through jealousy in a relationship takes time and patience; especially when there is a fair chance that you are wrong.
Think about how you will react and maintain the high-ground. If she is cheating; make no attempt to make things right. Show her the door hastily and delete her from your life.
Jealousy is a stain that will never leave your relationship; no matter how much time you give things to heal.