Why Do Girls Play Hard to Get: Clever Ways to Deal with It

Few things in life are more infuriating than getting mixed signals from a woman you are pursuing.

They can shake your confidence, change your mind, leave a bad taste in your mouth, and leave you unsure as to what your next move should be when going after that girl you are attracted to.

Since even women get frustrated by mixed signals, one has to ask the question of why do girls play hard to get when they clearly want the same thing as us?

And of course, a great follow-up question to this would be how to make them stop doing it.

why do girls play hard to get

"They can shake your confidence, change your mind, leave a bad taste in your mouth, and leave you unsure as to what your next move should be..."

So let’s start this discussion off with an answer to the first question.

Why Do Girls Play Hard to Get?​ : Clever Ways to Deal With the Conundrum

The Analysis

A more appropriate question would be why do people play hard to get, since men, after all, do it as well.

It comes down to testing. During the process of courtship, those who are interested in attracting someone worthwhile can't help but set up some psychological traps to ensure that the person they are interested in, is worth it in the long run.

Since women often stand to come away from relationships more hurt than men, they tend to put the pressure on the hardest during courtship, and one of the most effective ways of doing this is to play hard to get. What she is essentially doing while acting nonchalantly towards your advances, is gauging your commitment to the chase, and to her.

Playing hard to get is a fantastic way for women to determine which of the men chasing her are in it for the long run, and which ones are simply looking for a one-night-stand. Of course, there is always the chance that she is not actually into you, and spending your life batting off mixed signals can make it difficult to tell whether she is testing your faith or blowing you off.

Fortunately, there are ways to tell which of the two she is doing:

* If she is relying on non-committal forms of communication such as texting ( and even worse, not texting you back), things are not looking good.

Receive a phone call on the other hand, and she might be trying to engage with you in a more personal manner, which is always a good sign.​

* If she is always busy when you try to make plans, she could be putting on the pressure or fobbing you off with excuses.

Give her more than enough notice to eliminate the need for her to prove to you that she is not waiting on your beck-and-call. If however, she blows you off a number of times despite being given enough time to make arrangements, you should probably cut your losses.

* If she seems detached, it might be that she is trying not to come across as clingy, or it could be that she is avoiding you, so how can you tell the difference.

If she cancels future dates at the last minute or seems too busy when you invite her out, listen for rain-checks.

If she tries to keep possibilities open, she is likely just playing hard to get.​

* Worst case scenario (far worse than her not being into you) is that she is simply leading you on. Why would she be doing this?

Well, because there are few things more nutritious for the ego than knowing someone is fawning after you; and there are a lot of women out there who are simply players.​

Is she super-hot and caring one day only to disappear for a couple of weeks, then showing up at your door in the middle of the night looking for drunken sex?Chances are she is only going to be bad news for you. If after a long, long time you still can't seem to get any commitment out of her, you should probably look at moving on and carrying on with a better life, absent of the soul eating siren you are chasing.

How to Handle a Girl Who Plays Hard to Get

It's all fine and well being able to tell when she is just being difficult but isn't trying to be rid of you; but if you are like me, it’s not going to stop her games from getting on your nerves.

So how can you get her to stop playing games while just being a little more open and honest? And, if need be, how can you beat her at her own game?

* Give it back:

When playing hard to get, she is essentially testing you. She is trying to find out more about your confidence, your commitment, and your interest in her. These are all fairly egocentric matters, and so you can handle it well most of the time by not playing into her hands.

So, give it back. Be aloof, show minimal interest in her and flutter off from time to time to let her stew in her thoughts of you. Avoid being too open, too eager, but also too distant.

Flipping the tables and playing hard to get will often cause a complete role reversal, essentially beating her at her own game so that you can hold the power.

* Be honest with her:​

This one usually only works on girls you know fairly well.

Co-workers, friends, and acquaintances might play hard to get when you work on them purely for self-protection, or just because they have picked up this technique throughout the years of fending off guys’ advances. So if you know her well enough to be straight forward with her, ask her if she is toying with you, testing you, or trying to get you to move on.

Be authentic and comfortable enough in your own skin to broach the topic with her. If she is genuinely interested in you, she may well change her tune when your cards are laid out on the table.​

* Set her mind at ease:​

If she is testing you, give her reasons to feel a little less insecure about your advances.

Give her space, keep conversations light, and don't press her to move forward into giving you her number or coming home with you. You’re trying to prove the value of your personality to her, so put your best foot forward and don’t be afraid of being friend-zoned; if she is genuinely interested in you, that won't happen.

* Be patient:​

Patience is a virtue in all aspects of life, and girls who play hard to get are testing yours. If you give it right in the beginning, she’ll assume your interest in her is purely sexual, and will likely move on.

If you go in for intimacy too soon, you’ll scare her off and make a fool of yourself; and if you become visibly impatient, you are giving her the upper hand in the interaction, essentially destroying her respect for you.

So take your time, play her game, and even try to enjoy it.​

* Be Cheeky and Playful:​

The irony beneath playing hard to get is that it is a way of trying to find out how committed someone is to you while ensuring that they don't overdo it when proving it to you, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around that logic.

Keeping your interactions light and playful by joking around, using humor and engaging in some light banter is a great way to build a bridge between you two in a lighthearted, unthreatening way (unless she has no sense of humor).​

This will create a space for the two of you to communicate without things getting serious enough to put up her guard, and will even make the playing hard to get fiasco a little more entertaining for you both.​

* Give up and move on:​

The trouble might be that she is just too polite to come out and tell you that you are bothering you, so while patience is key to winning out in the interaction, you should be careful to not cross the fine line between being patient and doggedly insistent.

Gauge her interest throughout your interactions, if they seem to slip ever lower, without even the slightest hint of her giving way, you might be barking up the wrong tree.

Listen to how open ended her responses are. Is she cutting the conversation short with one-word answers? Is she literally avoiding you; has she been downright rude to you? Why not give up and go look for someone a little nicer.

* Give yourself more credit:​

Since mixed signals tend to shatter a man’s confidence, it is important to try and maintain a healthy opinion of yourself during such interactions.

Remember, that she is testing your image of yourself, trying to find a chink in your armor and dig up your vulnerabilities.

Remember that you are worthy of her, and ask yourself the question of whether or not she is good enough for you.

This will help you maintain a positive image of yourself even in the face of her rebuttals.​

She is, as you are, just a mere human being with plenty of hopes, fears, vulnerabilities and strengths; and even if she is the hottest, smartest, bubbliest girl you have ever met, she has some proving to do as well.

If you want to avoid being ignored putty in her hands, make sure she has to work for it too.


Written by Mark Greene

Mark Greene is writer and life coach dedicated to helping men to perform at peak level. He shares dating advice, style tips and strategies for building wealth and success.

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