The alcohol industry works tirelessly to make drinks that are attractive to women. Bright colors, tropical settings, and delicious taste entice partygoers to partake and enjoy. Men are not to be tempted in any way by these sweet nectars marketed by bikini beauties. All bartenders have been instructed to repossess the Man Card of any male who dares ordering a beverage that is not brown or clear. And, God forbid, you order a drink that comes garnished with fruit or an umbrella.
Drinking like a man can be challenging. The college years, where we perfect our drinking skill, only teaches us quantity not quality. While drinking large amounts of beer is a good start, it is time for us to become mature drinking men who might even prefer one top quality beer over a pitcher of Bud Light.
As the video below demonstrates, drinking like a man can sometimes suck. But it doesn’t have to. Taking some time to try different drinks that qualify as manly can help you determine a few that you may even enjoy.
What is it that makes a drink manly? The answer is more elusive than you think. In general, manly drinks don’t involve a lot of sugar, and they certainly don’t come in neon colors. What drink you want to order will depend partially on your setting. Skillfully ordering a dirty wet martini will be impressive at an upscale event but may earn you some raised eyebrows at the corner bar. When in doubt, you can always order a beer.
For guidance on ordering your next manly drink, refer to our top 10 most manly drinks that you can order at your local pub with pride.
Manliness Factor: 1
Beer is your basic manly beverage. Sure, some girls drink it, but they choose something with “ultra light” in the name, while you’re holding a manly mug of something thick and dark. Or, you should be. Not all beers are created equally. If you are drinking a beer with a fruit in the title or that allows you to read a menu through a full bottle, you may as well stick a pink umbrella in it too.
For a beer to be manly, stay away from domestic macrobrew or anything best known for its low calorie content. Microbrew with a crazy name like Apocalyptic Ale is best, but at least choose something German or Irish if your options are limited. Understand the art of beer brewing or even brew your own? You get extra manliness points for that.
Jack and Coke
Manliness Factor: 2
A step up from beer, you can choose a Jack and Coke for a mixed drink that is manly mainly due to its inclusion of Jack Daniel’s whiskey. Whiskey is certainly manly. It is even manly enough to make up for the fact that it is diluted with sugary soda in this beverage. You can slightly lower the impressiveness of this drink by insisting on Diet Coke, or increase it by requesting the top shelf Gentleman Jack to show that you know your whiskey – even if you do still want it sweetened with soda pop.
Manliness Factor: 3
Taking the manliness of whiskey up one more notch is the Whiskey Sour. Is it the fact that “whiskey” is right there in the name or that “sour” takes the place of “Coke”? Maybe a little of both. This is a drink that is sweeter than the name indicates, so if you are a secret lover of girly drinks this may be a great choice for you. Retain your Man Card while enjoying a drink that actually tastes good. It’s a win-win.
Black & Tan
Manliness Factor: 4
For the men who love beer, you can take your manliness factor a little higher simply by blending two of them together. I can’t quite explain the math that makes two beers add up to a manliness factor of 4, but you may as well take advantage of it. You will appear even manlier if you know exactly which pale beer pairs best with Guinness to create your perfect Black & Tan.
Manliness Factor: 5
Now we are starting to get into the manly drinks that may not be quite so manly if you are in certain company. An element of sophistication exists in some of these drinks that simply will not be appreciated if you are drinking it at a tailgate party, but they are perfect for a business dinner or upscale night out. Assuming you are in a location that makes stemware the norm, the Manhattan comes first in the list entries that combine manliness with a certain level of elegance. It has stood the test of time, including Prohibition, so you should at least give it a try.
Manliness Factor: 6
Ah, the classic martini. The very mention of it stirs up images of James Bond ordering it “shaken, not stirred.” You can’t get much more manly than James Bond, especially if you know how to order a martini properly. Your basic martini is gin, vermouth, and an olive, but your man points increase if you can speak martini code. Wet versus dry refers to the amount of vermouth. Wet = more. Dry = less. More vermouth makes your martini sweeter, so you can sound manly and not have to drink straight up gin. Win. Ordering your martini dirty sounds manly, but it means that you will get olive juice or brine in your drink, so be prepared for that. If you are ordering a dessert martini that includes any form of chocolate, just turn your Man Card over now.
Manliness Factor: 7
Another drink that enjoys manly status partly due to its longevity, but also due to its use of bitters, is the Old Fashioned. It was manly for your grandpa, and its only drawback is that the 20-something bartenders serving at many pubs will not know how to properly make it. However, if you are in a sophisticated setting, which is probably the only time you would drink one, a good bartender should be able to serve you up a fine Old Fashioned that even includes the requisite sugar cube to counter those bitters.
Irish Car Bomb
Manliness Factor: 8
The Irish Car Bomb risks sounding slightly too much like a frat house dare to be manly, but a drink that requires you to chug Guinness, Irish Crème liquor, and Jameson whiskey could not be anything but supremely manly. You won’t order too many of these in a row, but that’s alright. It will only take one to establish that you reign supreme as alpha male when you can drink it all before it starts to curdle.
Manliness Factor: 9
Straight up whiskey is one of the manliest beverages that you can drink. As with beer, you can increase or decrease your manliness factor by knowing what brand of whiskey you prefer and choosing an exclusive name, knowing where it’s barreled, and why it is better than other whiskeys.
Manliness Factor: 10
Sure, it is technically whiskey, but you won’t convince true Scotch connoisseurs that it belongs in the same category. It doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re with, Scotch is always a safe order, and you will never, ever hear it offered to the ladies. Choose a single malt, not blended, to show that you know your stuff. Visit a Scotch bar to taste test varieties and determine your favorite to order by name.