Terrence Kennedy
Most guys will agree that dating in the modern world is a minefield. How do you meet that special someone?
Comedian Aziz Ansar’s book ‘Modern Romance’, claims that romance and dating have changed fundamentally in the latter part of the 20th and the early part of the 21st century. The methods that we use to search for dates have changed, due to the proliferation of dating apps, sites, and social media outlets.
However, perhaps more strikingly, our very desires and the underlying goals of the search have also changed. Before you sure you have found the right person, though, you have to meet them, take them on a date, and impress them enough to merit a second date. Below are suggestions on what NOT to do, on dating fails you should learn from to get a second date, to meet the love of your life.
Dating Fails You Should Learn From
Don’t be too keen because you’ll appear desperate
Look, your granny may have told you that your grandpa proposed before the amuse-bouche. You told her that’s the cutest story ever.
However, you know it’s 2016, and nobody likes someone who is too keen. It reminds me of that Groucho Marx quote ‘I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member’.
We want to have to work for the affection of others. Perhaps that is human nature. It's okay to flirt, but obviously you don't want to come across too keen, as needy.
You may be ready to settle down but it is probably not a good idea to talk about marriage, how many children you want, or how are your friends are settling down. Keeping cool is the best option if you don't want to scare them off.
Don’t be too aloof or you’ll drive them away
By the same logic you don't want to appear like you're not interested in them. Try not to be swiping on Tinder during your date, reading the newspaper, or checking your Facebook updates.
There needs to be some kind of a spark, and a flame needs to be fanned. Your date needs to feel like you're interested in them. Strike a balance between playing it cool and hanging on in their every word like a docile dog.
If a second date is suggested, appear excited but not ecstatic. In the main just be yourself. But not too much.
Check out this video from Youtuber Askchazzellis regarding the matter:
Don't wear the wrong clothes
Dress properly. Obviously this will depend upon where you are going on your date. But as a rule, you should not wear a three piece suit or overdress. Dressing to impress is fine but you don't want to overdo it and appear stuffy.
If you're going to the opera, by all means, wear a suit. However, for a relaxing drink or an intimate meal, smart casual is probably better. You want to show that you have made an effort and that you have a sense of style, but don't overdo it.
Unless of course, you are Don Draper. This simple piece of effort lets the girl know that she is worth the effort.
Don’t interrogate. Converse.
There are dating heros and dating zeros. In relation to how to converse on a date, the hero would ask open-ended questions. They show interest by being a good listener and by putting the woman at the centre of any conversation.
They would look into her eyes and briefly touch on a forum in a way that is natural and not creepy. On the other hand, zeros would dominate the conversation and only talk about themselves, but they wouldn't ask any questions that would help them to get to know their date.
Or, they may interrogate the date, asking quick-fire intrusive and private questions that will make their date feel uncomfortable. On a date, the conversation is important.
You could even prepare a list of questions that you could ask a date. Personally, I think this is too much. Make your questions natural and spontaneous.
To give you an idea check out this video on how to talk to women on dates:
Don’t be a douche BECAUSE IT’S RUDE!!!
I mean, come on! It’s needless to say that you should not be a douche in every situation because it’s rude.
There are of course many fails that can be made on a date. They include things such as trying to get her drunk, looking at your phone more than her, judging her meal choices, talking to her boobs, taking drugs, or taking it all too seriously. Don't do it. It will just make you a douche.
Don’t talk about your ex
This is an obvious one, but one that surprisingly many that people do. If they ask you about past relationships, reply, but keep the details to a minimum.
If, you used to date a Victoria's Secret model who went on to become a political correspondent for Fox News, that's cool. However, it may make your date a little uneasy. If they talk about their ex, listen to them.
In general, though, you want to stay away from the subject. What good would it do? It may remind them of what they are missing and let them know that you are not in the right place to be dating.
Don’t talk about sex
It may happen but you come across as a creep if you try to force it. Unless you are James Bond or Don Draper you should not be talking about your sex life with a person you are trying to impress.
It's creepy, and it's wrong. You may once have dated somebody who claimed that they could convince anybody to sleep with them or someone who was constantly talking about their sex life.
Maybe they were just trying to convince themselves, and it goes without saying that it will not last.
Don't Get Drunk
Don't get drunk. A little alcohol is fine as a bit of Dutch courage, but too much is a bad idea.
I have read about women who have been on dates with guys who ordered lots of whiskey to appear like men's men, then got so drunk they lost their wallet and threw up on the floor.
This links with another of the fails on the list. If you are drunk you are more likely to get too intense, get aggressive, and generally be a douche.
Don’t Plan a Crappy Date
Having a well planned date is one of the most important things in impressing a girl. The ideal date for them would be some sort of meal followed by an activity.
Comedian Aziz Ansari goes a step further in his book "Modern Romance”. He talks about the trend of people going to monster truck rallies for dates in the USA. It started as an ironic thing, but really caught on.
He speaks to people who have done this who say it was amazing. Do you something out of your comfort zone, but not too out of your comfort zone.
Make it exciting, but not too exciting. Nowhere too formal.
Conclusion
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list, and there are other thing that could go wrong on your hot date.
You’ve seen the film how to lose a guy in 10 days? Basically, it's about a girl who deliberately tries to sabotage dates and a guy who bets his friends that he can make any woman fall in love with him in 10 days. Y
You are not that Guy. So if you if you avoid is dating fails you may actually get a second date.