My girlfriend cheated on me… Maybe you found her in bed with another guy, or you pieced the affair together through a bit of snooping. Either way, you’re sick to your stomach.
A woman you loved defied your trust. She did the ultimate relationship sin and had sex with another man.
If you’re experiencing this type of infidelity, it’s tough to deal with. But if you ever want to move forward and claim your life back, you have to learn how to deal with the situation.
There are a few different ways to go about, but first you need to reflect on what happened.
Learn Your Lesson
There’s always a reason for an affair. But instead of moping about this and using it to wallow in your own pity, you need to take what you’ve learned and use it to make you a better man.
So before you take your girlfriend back, if you even want to, make sure to figure out what your relationship was lacking. Here are a few of the most common reasons for affairs:
She Wants Great Sex
Women want great sex—they fantasize about it, read about it and talk about it. Their minds are filled with fantasies, and if you’re not fulfilling it they’re going to get tempted to stray.
A lot of guys don’t realize that women have powerful sex drives—some women have higher drives than a lot of men. Go look at the Erotica section of Amazon if you don’t believe this.
You need to know how to satisfy women in bed if you want to keep your girl loyal—be passionate, be rough and be spontaneous. When you can give her sex that other men can’t, then she’ll have no reason to get hot for some other man.
You’re Not an Alpha male
Women are biologically programmed to go after Alpha males. These are dominant, charismatic men who exude masculinity.
On the other hand, men whose wives cheat are often Beta males—men who are weaker both physically and mentally. Beta males often get into relationships because women want to be taken care of, but deep down these women want a masculine, dominant man.
This is the type of man you need to be. If you’re not sure how to become this type of man, then you need to read the 13 Alpha Male Traits. Implementing these traits will take time, but if you put in the effort you will come out a better man.
You’re Not Attractive
We’re not calling you ugly, necessarily. Being an attractive man is so much more than your facial features (Read: how to be more attractive to women). It includes grooming, style, body language, physique, oral hygiene, confidence, lifestyle and more. If you’re overweight, wear sweatpants, and watch TV all day, don’t be surprised when your girlfriend goes looking for another guy.
Look in the mirror, and give yourself an honest critique. Unless you’re Brad Pitt there’s always room for improvement. And this improvement isn’t just about impressing girls, but about becoming a better man.
These are all things you must learn anyway.
Although these traits are things that will help improve your relationship, they’re going to make you a better man altogether. In fact, if you want to just drop your girlfriend after she cheated, then you’re going to be a much better catch for single ladies out there.
The Future of Your Relationship
Once you’ve addressed the root cause of your girlfriend’s infidelity, you can use this information that to better yourself. And when you’ve implemented those bedroom skills or the traits of being an Alpha male, your girlfriend will have a newfound respect for you, that is, if you want to move forward.
If she really is the girl of your dreams, and deep down you love her, that’s something that you can’t fight. But before you take her back, there are a few factors that you will encounter along the way.
Your girlfriend violated the unspoken bond of trust that comes with any relationship. Because of that, men will have a hard time trusting the woman they’re with.
It clouds their views of them. It can distort memories, ruin dates, and take the passion out of sex.
This is no way to move forward. To start on the path of rebuilding trust, the first step is to verbalize your thoughts. You have to let your girlfriend know that this trust has been shattered, and she must work towards restoring it.
You also will bear some responsibility in this—you’re going to have to take a leap of faith and start trusting her again. This doesn’t’ mean being naïve and ignorant, but it does mean to give her a second chance.
Your Fragile Ego
If your girlfriend cheated on you, it makes you feel almost worthless. You wonder what it is about you that forced her into the arms of another man.
Guys will continue to beat themselves up over this, but this is not the way to approach this matter. First of all, if you learned what caused the affair based on the points above, then you know exactly what you need to do. This will go a long way in preventing infidelity from reoccurring.
But becoming a new man is a process that takes time. And during that time, thoughts may come into your head:
Will she want to sleep with him again?
Is there another man out there?
Does she still love me?
This is the wrong approach.
Instead of focusing on the face that your girlfriend cheated on you and the future of your relationship, start focusing on yourself. Give yourself some ‘Me Time’ and go out and enjoy yourself. When you’re able to take a step back from all the drama and focus on yourself you’ll be able to find out what really matters.
Once you do that, then you can begin to look at the situation objectively. For example, if your past relationships have been successful, then she’s probably the catalyst for the problems.
Once you have taken time to evaluate your situation, then you can address the affair. Use it as an opportunity for both of you to grow stronger.
Your Social Status and Reputation
Unless you’re a hermit, you probably have several friends and are part of a larger social circle. Gossip travels fast within these groups and if people find out your girlfriend cheated on you, it’s going to spread.
People won’t peg you as the bad guy as you didn’t stray, but they may change their view towards you. Again, al cheating happens for a reason and people will want to try and figure out the reason why. This isn’t justified by any means, but it’s the way people are.
When this happens, a lot of guys put their egos and pride first. This causes them to act irrationally and it may end their relationship for good.
Always keep your head in the game and don’t let others dictate your behavior. Do what you think is best, not what others tell you what to do.
What to Avoid
During times like these, emotions can get the best of us. And when we begin to let our emotions take control of our actions as opposed to thinking logically, we tend to make poor decisions.
Even if you think that maybe it’s time to break up with your girl for good, there’s no sense in burning bridges.
Don’t curse or call her names.
Don’t trash your place or hers.
Stay calm and keep it cool. Acting irrationally not only does you no good, but you shouldn’t live your life by emotions. And the fact that you’re getting worked up by a single girl shows how invested you are in her.
It’s also important that you don’t let your girlfriend off the hook easily. Too many men these days accept their girl’s apology without any stipulations, only to run into the same problem down the road.
You need to set certain ground rules, such as not staying out until 2 AM on the weekends. Or you can have her cook you meals, which not only serves as an apology of sorts, but it forces her to nurture you, solidifying her position as your girlfriend.
What if she refuses?
Your girlfriend obviously has the right to be skeptical and critical of your requests. However, if she is unable to understand why her behavior is making you so controlling, then it’s going to be tough to repair a relationship.
Moving on From Your Relationship
Relationships are not a one way street—they require work from both people. If one person isn’t willing to sacrifice for the good of the relationship, then it cannot move forward.
While breaking up with a loved one is tough, you can actually come out stronger. Tyler from Real Social Dynamics breaks down why a breakup is actually a great chance to improve your ability to talk to women:
Again, this is the way you want to look at breakups.
You need to start going out to meet women on a regular basis. Here’s a guide to the spots you should focus on: Places to meet women, as they have a high concentration of attractive, and receptive women.
You’ll also need to understand the dynamics of seduction and learn what it takes to how get laid like a true playboy. You’re going to have some work to do going forward. There will be some tough decisions to make, but if you take this information to heart then you will definitely make the right one.