Terrence Kennedy
How many times have you taken advice from a buddy on how you should treat a girl on a date, and had it completely backfire on you? Personally, I have fallen into this trap a few times, and never going to do it again.
There are a lot of popular bad dating tips for men circulating the internet, and the collection grows larger by the minute.
Beyond that, friends, brothers, family members and even women we know are always putting their preferred ingredients into the broth that make up tips on love and dating.
As one would expect, not all of it is good advice, in fact, a very large portion of what we are told by those around us, in terms of dating, can be extremely misleading, and in the worst situations can make you seem like a bit of a jerk and ruin your chances of getting it right altogether.
When it comes to giving real bad advice, I can think of three different types that you should not follow at all costs:
- That which is too vague to be of any use
- Advice which undervalues the importance and roles of women
- That which is downright wrong
So, to make things a little more certain for you when it comes to the dating game, here are some new tips on commonly spread advice you should completely avoid:
Bad Dating Advice For Men You Should Seriously Avoid
Treating them badly pays off while nice guys finish last
I’ll start with this one because it is the worst dating advice of the lot, and it seems to have been regarded as reliable advice for a long time now. I’ve been told stories and comments by plenty of people that the best way to a woman’s heart is by shattering their emotions and taking full control of them.
It has always been hard for me to grapple with this one, and believe me I have tested it out on a few occasions.
But this advice is simply terrible:
Sure, destroying her self-esteem might keep her around and get you what you want… maybe, but if it does she’ll be a shell of herself and feel more reserved and protective. Then, you’ll get bored and the whole thing is doomed to fail.
At the worst case, she will think you are an idiot and want nothing to do with you.
There are enough assholes out there that treat women like dirt, so rather stand out by choosing to be a nice guy.
Basically, avoid being this guy:
Let’s break this sentence down:
‘All women’- wrong! Each and every person is completely different.
‘want a rich man’ – or just a man… you know, who can take care of himself.
‘to buy them nice things’ -if they are materialistic, prostitutes, or don’t give a crap about you.
If you believe that romance needs to be bought for it to work out, you’ve been listening to the wrong people. So, do yourself and everyone around you a favour and try to unlearn that one.
Some women in fact prefer to split the check, to spoil their partners or to completely pay their own way. It gives them a sense of empowerment that they have been robbed of by a patriarchal society.
Of course, some women do like to be treated like a spoilt princess, and this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are bad people. But if you believe that money makes the man, you’ve been listening to all the wrong people.
In fact, the US Bureau of labour released statistics in April 2016 that estimated a total of 15,693 families were managed by women as the main bread-winner, while a mere 6,499 were managed by men; proving this little piece of advice to be rather misleading.
It is easier to end an argument by agreeing with them
Next,
This one is often given by worn out, long married men who have lost the fire to engage their spouse in any way that might challenge them.
Relationships between two people are characterized by intimacy, agreements and also disagreements. Take one side out of the equation and there will be a very little balance and even less engagement.
There is a strictly defeatist attitude in this advice and it is dangerous for two reasons:
- Firstly, it assumes that men are more flexible than women, and robs us of our power to have opinions that are taken seriously.
- Secondly, it teaches too many women that they should always expect to get their way.
The divisions that this may cause in a relationship can lead to multiple frustrations, a lack of drawn boundaries and severe imbalances in the equity of each partner.
If you want to date a spoilt “baby girl” who always gets her way and treats you like shit, then sure, neglect to challenge her on anything you might disagree with. If you’re lucky enough she’ll eventually get bored of you and give you a sweet release from what is ultimately an abusive relationship.
Women are irrational and emotional, you’re not the difficult one
This piece of advice is reminiscent of the underlying gender war that has defined relationships between men and women throughout the ages. Perhaps it is a reaction to the ‘sugar, spice and everything nice’ rhyme we were all once taught, or simply points to a lack of understanding when it comes to female biology.
Sure, they have a mixture of hormones that makes them think and react differently to men in certain instances, but then men also come with their own mixture of personality problems which make us irrational as well.
We get caught up in our own pride, we get into fights, we apparently refuse to ask for directions, and if you really think about it, we are just as (if not more) irrational as we claim women to be, all we need is the right situation to spark it.
Entering into the dating scene with this piece of advice as your guide will likely lead you to treat women like irrational children, and would likely result in a self-fulfilling prophecy.
On the other hand, treating them like they are just as capable as making logical decisions as you are, will encourage her to behave in that way, making time spent with them all the more enjoyable.
Check this video to understand women’s passive-aggressive behaviour better:
If she puts out on the first date, she is a slut
I am a firm believer that the word ‘slut’ refers to a mythical creature which is based on an invented concept.
When you get down to it, all people have varying libidos, and we all have our own ways of expressing that.
Beyond that, a woman might simply want to get it on for the night, but unfortunately, live in a society that deems that behaviour to be devious.
I mean we live in the twenty-first century; an age where we seem to be striving for gender equality, but this one doesn’t seem to be so easily shaken. And let’s be honest, wouldn’t you rather live in a society where a woman is as likely to have a one night stand as a man.
Conclusion
Much of what we are told about how to approach dating, and indeed how to approach the opposite sex is misleading, outdated or outright wrong. I think an important thing to remember in this regard, is that whenever any kind of advice is given, whether about dating or not, it should be taken critically.