Creating the chase: How to Play Hard to Get

There are a worryingly large number of articles and videos circulating the web that claim to have the secret to get absolutely any woman into bed; foolproof methods that work regardless of who you are, who you are chasing, and what you want from them.

Don’t get me wrong, many of the techniques that these sources teach are genuinely effective to some point or another, but if you are expecting advice that turns all women into little more than sexual-pets for pickup artists, you’re barking up the wrong tree, and quite frankly, no amount of research and experience has given me any reason to assume that that tree has ever been planted.​

There is something that even the worst of these articles agree on, and that is that too much attention, too much niceness, and too much openness is never a good thing, especially as far as initial attraction is concerned.

You see, believe it or not, women are human beings just like men, with complex thought processes, desires and a need to be challenged; and when it comes to dishing out breeding rights, men are generally expected to jump through more hoops than women, putting us at risk of getting rejected, while completely obliterating a woman’s respect for us when we gladly jump at the tricks laid out before us, in the hopes that she will throw us a scrap of fish for playing nice.

But if the territory of sexual attraction needs to be described as a circus, then why the hell should she be considered the ring leader?

Regaining your foothold in the attraction power-struggle doesn’t require rocket science or years of practice for you to become a legendary dick that attracts girls who want bad boys.

how to play hard to get

No, all you really need to know is how to play hard to get in a way that keeps her attention arrested, without letting her lose interest in what seems like a lost cause; which is not as fine a line to walk as you might expect.​

So let’s start with the most crucial principle behind this approach:​

How to Play Hard to Get - Beating Her at Her Own Game​

The Cat-String Theory in a nutshell

The metaphor is becoming trite, but that is only because it accurately represents the dating game.

Take a piece of string and dangle it just out of reach of a cat. Just about every time, the cat noticing the challenge will dance and jump, go out of its way to try and land it between its paws, getting more eager each time you pull the string a little further out of its reach.

Now take that same cat and drop the string at its feet, making it easily accessible. Note how in no time at all, its attention dissipates, obliterating any chance of peeking its interest to play again.

Now while it is true that human beings are not cats, the same principle applies to us. Give us a challenge that is just out of our reach, and we’ll likely bend over backward chasing it.

This comes from a need to push our boundaries, explore the unknown and to feel the thrill and pride that comes from a successful hunt.

Both men and women are the same in this regard: We want what we can’t have until it falls right into our laps, then we’d rather walk away from it in search of something more interesting.

So what does this mean for you?​

You don’t have to act hard; just semi-interested

One of the biggest mistakes men make when trying to attract a women is to turn on the charm and niceness a little too much.

If she’s a particularly attractive woman, you’re probably not the first person to approach her with a goofy smile and an offer for a drink that evening, and how many of the other guys have won her over with this tactic: that’s right, none.

Too much attention can have you coming across as needy, which is one of life’s least attractive qualities.

Ideally, you want to keep her on her toes when interacting with you, which means creating a challenge for her, being moderately aloof and only so interested in her while not letting too much of yourself get out of the bag.

This will trigger in her, a sense of mystery and a need to conquer you; making her do the work where she might have originally expected you to do it.

Remember that completely blowing her off will likely also crush her interest in you, making her feel like she ought to cut her losses. This doesn't mean you should behave like the asshole who somehow gets all of the girls.

While it might be true that a lot of women are into bad boys (because of the addiction to them that a challenge creates), turning your nature around to be too much of a bad boy would just seem unnatural, and might even make you feel uncomfortable; creating a chance that she might pick up on your charade and cause you to blow it.

Be yourself to some extent, but keep your excitement and eagerness in check.

This will create a space for her to approach you, setting the board for the game to begin without her even realizing it.

Keeping the mystery alive to get you into her thoughts

If you’ve managed well so far, she should be showing you a little attention, telling you all about herself and trying to get you to do the same. But if you open that door, she might stop knocking at it, and chances are, she won’t even come inside.

While it might feel like you are making some sort of deeper connection by letting her know all about yourself, what you’re actually doing is dropping that piece of string right in her lap for her to gaze at in boredom.

Feed her tidbits of information here and there if you must to keep the conversation going, but be sure to stay marginally closed to keep her sense of mystery in you alive.

Skirt with Availability

In keeping in line with the principle of the cat-string theory, it stands to reason that if your try to display your openness and availability for her, you run the risk of killing her interest in you. Just because you’ve made some headway doesn't mean you’re out of the woods yet.

​Give her a little attention from time to time, then excuse yourself to go see some friends, get a drink or to simply move away from her for a while, but try not to do it in such a way as to blatantly make her feel like she has chased you off.

What you really want to do, is keep her unsure about whether she is nailing the chase or not, creating in her a need to try a little harder.

You want her turning over possibilities in her head, wondering how you feel and whether or not she stands a chance with you; if she does this for long enough, you will have created a solid spot in her thoughts that is dedicated just for you, which will slowly work at driving her infatuation towards you.

Written by Terrence Kennedy

Terrence Kennedy is the man’s man on a journey to self-discovery. A traveler, extreme sports aficionado, an observant wanderer, a DIY-Know-How, an ultimate outsider and a documentarist of culture, sex, dating, relationship, fashion, style and gentleman's etiquette. He has learned a lot through his escapades, and is happy to pass that knowledge on to you.