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How Not To Be Shy Around Girls

No matter how much a woman likes you, if you don’t learn how not to be shy around girls you will never be able to seduce them.

Being shy around women is something absolutely normal and it is based on the fear of being rejected at some point –although this is not the only reason, as we will show you later.

how not to be shy

The main point here is not only to overcome our shyness, but to learn how to be more self-confident, understand how things work around us, lose our deepest fears, and succeed in life.

In this article we are going to tell you some tips and techniques about how to stop being shy in front of women.

Some people say that women like shy men, but let us tell you a couple of things about this matter:​

  • They may see you as a challenge, and if so, this would make you weak and submissive if you accept being with them. And moreover, we wouldn’t be able to overcome our shyness problem.

  • Women are more attracted to self-confident men, so even if you get her, there’s a high potential risk that she leaves you for a more adventurous boy.

  • When we are in the seduction game and we are very shy, we can generate empathy in girls... but just as friends or “like brothers”. And we don’t want that, do we?

  • Shy men have very passive and unattractive emotions, and they are often more boring and monotonous.

  • They live in their world, with their pessimism, etc... and for sure a woman does not want to be surrounded by such emotions. This is why a man with a good sense of humor (he doesn’t need to be a comedian!) is much accepted by any girl than a man that makes them feel bad, bored or sad.

The main point here is not only to overcome our shyness, but to learn how to be more self-confident, understand how things work around us, lose our deepest fears, and succeed in life. Let’s do it!

How Not to be Shy Around Girls​

Understanding your shyness: you are not sick!

Shyness is not only that you are introvert or extrovert, self-confident or insecure. Shyness is, in fact, a mechanism of protections that makes you keep your words and reactions under control until you feel comfortable with them.

However, there are situations in which this shyness can hurt us more than it should, for example, around women, doing an exam or in a job interview.

But here there is the good news: you can overcome shyness –and you have probably already experienced that in some situations. But let’s try to understand why you are shy with girls and how can you stop being that shy!

Why are you shy around girls? – The origins

There are many reasons why some men may feel very uncomfortable when talking to girls, especially the ones they like or they feel attracted to. These are the main ones:

  • Low self-esteem: these men think that they don’t deserve to be loved or even to attract women

  • Negative experience with women in the past: lots of rejections, or maybe a big loss

  • Fear of what others may think about his actions or words: am I rude? Am I too obvious? Do I look like a pervert? She is going to laugh at me!

  • Very serious and overprotective parents: the guy has grown-up with a lack of social skills

  • The man fantasizes too much about women: he idolizes them too much and they prefer to live a platonic love

  • The boy was educated with very strict moral beliefs: religion or social beliefs can hurt us a lot

  • He has had very few contact with women in all his life: he has no clue about them

These are all big causes of why a man may develop shyness with women, even the fact that around his male friends he is a very funny guy, and with his family, he feels very confident. And this keeps happening to him since he was a kid.

The most difficult part here is that you need to fight against a belief that comes from a long time ago. And the longer you wait until you solve this, the more difficult it will be to be overcome.

Shyness makes us feel bad, we know it –we have been there. Inside us, we want that woman that is now in front of us. However, that doesn’t seem to be effective enough to stop being shy around her, approach her and talk with her. Plus, this also increases our chances to make lots of mistakes and ruin everything: stammering, sweating, being friendzoned and used by them, drop things... A complete disaster! Let’s fix this!

Handy tricks to overcome shyness...

How Not To Be Shy Around Girls

Acknowledge your strengths. Maybe you have a strong voice, very beautiful blue eyes, you have a good fashion sense or you see when other people feel sad. Write down all the positive things that you think you have. If you don’t see any maybe it is because you are going through a low self-esteem moment, so just ask your family and friends. You’ll be surprised!

​See yourself as an interesting person to meet. Many times, people are shy because of the fear of what other think about them. You are as interesting and attractive as any other guy: focus on the positive aspects!

Never leave an uncomfortable situation. When things become uncomfortable, you need to face them. Sometimes, or maybe often, things won’t go as you expect, but it doesn’t mean that you should avoid them as they can be one experience more to learn from.​

Focus on the moment. There is no time for distractions. Yes, you need to feel as relaxed as possible, but don’t divagate in imaginations or even worse, bad thoughts. When you are in front of a girl and you feel very shy, think about your words and gestures, but just in a confident way, not demanding. Look at the girl into her eyes and register her expressions, focus on the positive ones and never forget your smile!​

Techniques to overcome shyness around girls

Some men tend to move away from women with whom they feel attracted to because they think that they are going to be immediately rejected. However, what is true is that this can really happen... except if you take into account very important things about your improvement in shyness matters.

Check this out:

As we have seen before, boys tend to be insecure towards the opposite sex for many reasons, but the main one is the lack of self-confidence. This is all reduced to the way they think about themselves and their environment. For example, a guy may think that if he dares to say a compliment to a girl, she will get mad or even worse, she will think that he is lying to her. Then, their mind gets blocked and they never talk to that girl in real life.

You have to get rid of this kind of bad/negative thoughts so you can show the best of yourself to the world. Let’s take a look at some techniques to learn How Not to be Insecure Around Girls.

Step by Step

Depending on your level, you are going to realize about your improvements and your progress once you are immersed in the learning process of social skills. Whether you face the problem through specific and professional training or you try it on your own way, you should be aware that there are going to be good days and bad days: just like real life!

The most important thing is to look at your evolution as a process, and not just a part of it. When you adopt this point of view, you can see changes, progression and improvement. It is all in your head.

Look to other guys: what do they do?

This is a good starting point when we have no idea what to do when girls are around us. Since we are babies we learn from observation and imitation, so... watch carefully what do other men do when they try to flirt girls or approach women: are they successful? What did they do? Can you do that?

The ideal thing is to be inspired by someone who is successful with the opposite sex, and model your own personality and behavior with that as a basis.

Show a false self-confidence

We always defend the idea of being sincere and honest, because girls can see our intentions from the very beginning. But this isn’t about lying at all. If you are one of those guys who doesn’t feel confident when trying to approach a girl or talk face to face to a woman, we have good news: you can pretend to be self-confident.

In fact, this may help you to really become self-confident. To achieve this goal, you must walk with confidence and be totally relaxed. You need to talk to yourself in a very positive way with optimistic thoughts before talking to her.

Some useful tips: how to flirt with girls if you are shy?

Shy men may be what some women are looking for, but the reality is that if they are TOO shy, these girls will end up being with less shy guys that tried to seduce them. If shyness stops you from talking to the girl of your dreams, take a look at these tips:

Show yourself as a friendly and accessible guy, smiling to people in general and to women in particular. Start by saying hi to strangers, without noticing if they look in a strange way or not. On the contrary, smile at them and inspire them self-confidence... if you remain calm, they will feel comfortable with you. This exercise is perfect for all those who are starting to overcome their shyness: it breaks the ice between you and the rest of the world.

When you are talking to a woman, try not to overestimate her. She is not a goddess, she –just like you and everyone else- has weaknesses and virtues, positive and negative aspects. If you put her on a pedestal, your chances of being successful will considerably decrease. Try to talk to her as an equal being (what she actually is, in fact): it is much better this than talking from an inferiority or superiority complex.​

Try to talk to many people as you can: the man at the bank office, that old lady waiting for the bus, the shop assistant... Then try to talk to random girls that you don’t feel attracted to. This will help you later to start talking to girls that you like.​

Try to listen and avoid monologues. One thing shy men do when they get nervous is that they talk too much about themselves. Be quiet and let her talk about herself, ask her open questions and listen. They will really appreciate that. If you don’t like awkward silences, try to have some back-up topics, such as art, hobbies or whatever.​

Don’t be afraid of rejection! Come on, this is real life! Learn from your mistakes and if it didn’t go well, consider it as a positive experience that will allow to improve and do it better next time. Don’t take it too personal when a girl says no, maybe she just doesn’t like you (the same way that you may not like other girls, right?). Next!​

Remember that women are not sexual objects, so do not treat them like they are. If you only think about going to bed with her, you are going to feel under pressure and worst of all, she will notice your intentions and it won’t end up good for you. Play it easy, be calm.​

Don’t make rookie mistakes. Do not anticipate any movement towards her. With this, we mean that you don’t get to kiss her on the first date (or maybe yes, but you can’t be sure). Go with the flow, listen to her body language and you won’t fail when the time of action comes.

Written by Terrence Kennedy

Terrence Kennedy is the man’s man on a journey to self-discovery. A traveler, extreme sports aficionado, an observant wanderer, a DIY-Know-How, an ultimate outsider and a documentarist of culture, sex, dating, relationship, fashion, style and gentleman's etiquette. He has learned a lot through his escapades, and is happy to pass that knowledge on to you.