Mark Greene
Modern Technology Ruins Your Relationships
She sits across me, in a white office dress and we’re having coffee on a Saturday noon in a fanciful coffee house of the shopping district of Singapore. I soon found out, she studied in a top Junior College in Singapore, was a University graduate and was working as a banker. She probably was making 10 times what I was making per month.
This is going to be interesting. I always had a thing for smart girls. I was expecting an engaging conversation.
Five minutes into our conversation, she starts whipping her iPhone to take selfies on Instagram. The bombardment of selfies and snap chats started. Come on I thought. With an attention span like that, how could you have ace-d your Junior College examinations?
Needless to say, I was disappointed, and shit bored.
It got me thinking about how social media, technology shapes our relationships. So what gives? How can technology negatively affect our lives, and most important our relationships?
We Avoid Our Emotions
Why spent time intently listening and empathizing with another person, when you can simply inhabit a virtual world that reconfigures itself to your every desire?
Feeling nervous on a date? Can’t effectively flirt, tease and generate attraction on a date? Simply whip that front camera out, and take a selfie or a Snapchat. Can’t stand silences on your date? Whip that phone out, and text your best friend. Feeling lonely at home? There’s Tinder, Okcupid, and tons of dating apps out there. Can’t meet someone new? Can’t attract a girl? Sign up for a dating agency online. Let them do the work for you. Pray and hope for the best.
Why bother with all the hard stuff, when we can get gratified immediately by all the information or quick-fix solutions out there? Why bother with learning how to start a conversation with a stranger. Why bother with invulnerability?
Why bother about learning how to manage a racing mind, when you can pick your phone up, open up Candy Crush, and let it feed your intellectual need for the next couple of hours?
Need an answer? There’s Google. Bored? Open your Facebook newsfeed. Want to swear at your date secretly? There’s Twitter. Need some attention? Snapchat, Instagram. Well, you know you’re going to get those likes. Especially from that weird guy that has been secretly stalking you since 13. You know it.
Cutting down on social media did me both good and bad. I didn’t care about how I was portrayed, and I focused on connecting with people on a genuine, non-status-centric level. It served me well when I was communicating with people in a meaningful manner. It taught me how to connect with girls and attract them in person!
Our Attention Is Divided
When was the last time you sat down and paid attention to someone or something intently for more than an hour?
Our phones are constantly ringing with WhatsApp messages; our emails are accessible to at our finger tips.
Our attention is divided never than before. Until we learn how to limit this limitless access to information and knowledge, our dates are going to continue to consist of two people staring into their phones. Our relationships are going to bounded by instant messages, our dates are going to consist of two people counting the number of likes on their Instagram, instead of two human beings appreciating the company for each other.
We Think Everyone’s Having a Blast
Lastly, if you log into Facebook, or Instagram, you’re more likely to feel shit-y about yourself. Either that, you’re going to end wanting to post something that makes you feel less shit-y about yourself.
Be it your latest travel photos, you weekend escapade with your girlfriend at some hotel you overpaid for, or that morning breakfast that nobody actually gives a fuck about.
It seems like ‘everyone’ is having awesome relationships, killing it in their job, eating great food, or doing something cool, fun, or sexy. Hence, all of us have this sense of feeling left out or missing out.
When I left University to travel, it seemed that everybody back home was having a blast with University back home. When I was single throughout my early twenties, it seemed that everybody was having great relationships that made me question my values on commitment. When I was working hours on an entrepreneurial project like this one, it seemed that everyone else was having a blast with their work.
That’s rarely the case. Someone once said everybody only smiles in photos. Social media merely pains a heavily biased perception of what’s going on in our peers lives.
Final Words
The problem isn’t social media itself, is how we use technology to serve or help us. I personally use WordPress, Microsoft Office, and read sites and blogs that contribute to my knowledge of the world.
It’s how you choose to limit your awareness. This can come in the form of unfollowing people on Facebook, Instagram, and other social media platforms to tell yourself: alright, after 7 pm, no more internet, go out, have a beer, and socialize.
The reason why people like social media is because they want to feel like a part of a community. You can arguable also use social media to keep in touch with someone without having to him or her for months. Ultimately, it’s up to your values how you want to go about portraying yourself on social media, or if you want to use social media at all.
Next time you pop out that phone of yours to take a selfie or two, maybe it’s a good thing to ask yourself: is this contributing to the relationship with the person I am with?
