When couples take a break apart, often one or the other has second thoughts. That is common and normal, especially if they have been together for an extended period. It is challenging to figure out how to do life without the other person, with feelings of missing them monopolizing every effort.
Instead of trying to maneuver through the grief, it’s easier to try to figure out ways of reconnecting with your ex despite their not necessarily being on board with the idea. The problem is if you have not taken the time to really sit down and assess what happened and why things ended, you’re missing the opportunity to make some of the specific changes (from your standpoint) to contribute to the work needed to fix the problems that contributed to the demise.
If you were to achieve your goal of getting your ex back with all the same variables, the outcome would be the same because nothing changed. You each need a fresh, clean start, either together with changes made or apart on your own.
Tips On Getting an Ex Back Healthily
Simply because a partnership end does not mean that it is beyond repair. There are moments when a couple needs time apart to develop into the people, they need to be to accept the commitment of the partnership and be more suitable for the other person as an individual ready for a relationship.
But how do you know when you have left a relationship that was probably the one you were meant to stay in? Sometimes there will still be unresolved feelings even with significant time apart. If that is the case, it is in taking the time to discuss how the partnership might be able to progress forward. But each of you needs to have the same ideology.
If both of you are not on the same wavelength, it will be challenging to cultivate a genuine, healthy union that is stable with the kind of open, honest, kind, respectful, and loving relationship that might have been missing in the original go-around.
Some ex-mates have a better chance than others. Let us look at ways you can tell it is worth trying to get back with your ex.
There is still a level of compatibility.
It is not often that people find another human with whom they feel exceptional compatibility and comfortability. If one or both of you find you’re feeling the same spark even after an extended period as when you were a couple, with the notion that no one will likely compare to this individual in your life, it’s an indication that your mate is a special person you should reach out to in an effort to discuss how things ended and where things might be able to progress.
If you have taken time apart, it should have been constructive to the point you addressed issues that were not working when you were together, so now you can come together in a new and fresh mindset.
The breakup was not related to major irreparable issues.
Specific issues relating to abuses, whether physical or emotional or episodes of cheating or even those who find they have significant core value differences, are typically irreparable since trust is virtually destroyed, as is the foundation developed for what should have been a solid, healthy partnership.
If you do have a strong, solid relationship that has endured for an extended time, sometimes things like an affair can be worked through with adequate counseling and substantial effort on the part of the couple.
If none of these things are involved, there should be no reason why partners can’t put forth the energy and time it takes to give the relationship another try if that’s what each wants.
That is the vital thing to remember. Both partners need to want reconciliation; it cannot only be one. If you find you are the only one who wants to get back with your ex, you can attempt to sit down and have a discussion to plead the partnership’s case.
Express what you felt needed changing in the relationship and how you worked towards that end. That might sway your partner, but a mate that has made up their mind will likely be difficult to deter.
There were insurmountable circumstances.
Perhaps when the two of you got together, the idea was that you would keep things casual, not taking things to a serious level. Or you had a sudden need for an out-of-state move for work, so you broke up instead of retaining a long-distance relationship.
In these situations, exes generally have a greater than average chance of regaining their stamina since these are not personal differences but, instead, mere circumstances out of their control.
These have nothing to do with emotions or feelings for each other or lack thereof, meaning there is every opportunity to rekindle the desire readily if these circumstances were to change again.
Perhaps the mate left behind could move to be with the partner who moved away, or the two who broke up because it wasn’t supposed to get serious decided they were wrong and wanted to get serious.
Communication problems are resolvable.
If you broke up merely because there were things like a lack of communication in the relationship, these issues are not irreparable. Still, more so, they can be prevented before it ends if you agree to set up a few rules in the partnership to open up and be vulnerable with honest conversations.
One of the primary forms of consideration in a partnership is being communicative. If issues stem from resolvable problems, you can fight for the union. Again, it is a matter of a mate agreeing that the relationship is worth salvaging.
There is a nagging feeling of sadness when you are not together.
If you feel horrible when you are not with your ex, there are obviously still feelings there. It might almost seem as though you are missing a piece of who you are since you felt the two of you were so close.
If this continues even after substantial time apart and what should be plenty of time to heal, it is time to speak to your ex and see where they stand with their feelings.
As stated throughout this piece, what is significant is that you are each on the same page. No one wants to see anyone get hurt. If your partner is not feeling the same way and has moved on, it will only end up in worse pain for you.
Regardless, it is to your advantage to have the conversation, so you know one way or the other how your mate genuinely feels. If there is nothing left on their part, you can move forward in grief knowing you have tried with all your effort, and now it is time to move forward.
There is now a willingness to compromise.
If, after a significant time apart, you have both come to a point where you want to sit down and find a way to reach a compromise so that things will ultimately work out for the two of you, this is a positive sign that the partnership is workable.
You might have broken up at a time where everything you did and said brought on a disagreement or fight. You each were on a different path with varied visions on life, putting a substantial strain on the partnership and the likelihood of settling down as a couple. That ultimately led to the two of you needing to take a break from each other.
With the break apart, each person was able to contemplate the other’s mindset and what their vision entailed with the notion of a compromise allowing growth and an education of sorts to bring you to a commonplace.
Now that you have had that experience away and can genuinely say that you understand the meaning of compromise, you can move forward in a committed relationship. That means you can get back with the ex that fulfilled all expectations of love like no one has done to this point.
In the moments following a breakup, the couple can feel a sigh of relief or like the weight of the world is on their shoulders because they do not feel it was right, all based on who broke up with whom.
Regardless of who ended the relationship, there is a pathway to healing if that is the way things are supposed to be. You might go through the stages of grief and acceptance, but there is ultimately an outcome of positivity.
If the two of you are meant to get back together, it will happen because when something is intended, it will be. It might take significant effort, time, patience, discussions, and definitely the two of you working together, but if it’s meant, it will be.
When the two of you struggle to get things back on track as a team, you might need some third-party help. Do not be afraid to reach out to a counselor to guide you through the process, especially if the partnership is essential to the two of you.
Sometimes it takes more than what the two of you can do as a couple, and that is ok – as long as you find your way back.