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Getting The Spark Back In Your Sex Life: Five Steps To Try

It can be a tough moment when you realise that the spark has gone out of your sex life. It does not matter how long you have been with your partner, how much you still love them, or how attracted you still are to them. Sometimes that sexual energy can simply dissipate. What’s more, it can be difficult to talk about. It is very common for men to feel that difficulty with intimacy is some failure on their part, but the truth is that it happens to a huge number of people and for a wide variety of reasons. The last couple of years has been particularly tough on our sex lives. Because we do not talk about it, the negative feelings around it grow and grow.

Couple in bed

However, sex and intimacy are important parts of a healthy relationship. If you and your partner feel like you are drifting apart in the bedroom, then it is time to think about how you can bring each other closer together. Here are a few tips to help you two rediscover that spark.

Address The Elephant In The Room

First things first, do not simply stew in your negative feelings about the situation. Remember that your partner probably feels the same things as you about all this. The most important thing is to approach the issue honestly but sensitively. This is not something you will fix by moping around or treating it like some kind of catastrophe. 

Explain your feelings on the subject, talk about why you may be feeling like you are drifting apart, and listen to what they have to say on the matter. Talking about it may not remedy the situation immediately, but it will get you both on the same page.

Try Something New

The conversation about spicing up your sex life can be a little awkward for some people. You might be worried that any suggestion that you have might make your partner feel uncomfortable or that it may seem ridiculous. However, once again, you need to remember that your partner may be having the exact same thoughts as you. 

Exploring new things together can be a great way for the two of you to reconnect on an intimate level and remind each other of how attracted to and excited you are. Take sex toys, for example. Adding a sexy surprise into the bedroom could be just the spark you need, so why not introduce the idea? The two of you can look at options online to find something that you both like the look of and take it from there. Sinful offers a range of sex toys for him, her, and couples. They also provide excellent customer service to help you find the perfect product for you.

Get Out Of Your Routine

Now that restrictions have been rolled back in the UK, we can get away for a break with far less stress and worry than we could before. Treat yourself and your partner to a romantic getaway and go somewhere that is miles away from all the pressures of your home life.

Booking a hotel room may sound a little cheesy, but there is a lot to be said for the old school romantic gestures and stepping out of your situation may help you to feel that spark return. Don’t be afraid to push the boat out. Go for dinner, go for drinks, and most of all: have fun. 

Think About Your Situation

There are a lot of reasons why couples may slow down sexually. Some of them may be out of your control, but there are plenty that can be addressed. For example, during the last couple of years, we have all been under a huge amount of stress, and that can be a huge factor when it comes to issues with sex. It’s hard to get in the mood when you’re constantly worrying about whether you are going to be able to afford your rent next month, or if you are going to lose your job. If you and your partner have recently had a child, then there are several reasons why sex is not going to be at the top of your list of activities. 

But there are elements that you can control. Would talking to a sex therapist help you to get to the bottom of some issues? Or maybe there are simpler options. If your work allows flexible hours, try to carve out more time that’s just for the two of you. What can you do to make things less stressful for your partner?

Don’t Stress Too Much About It

We do not need to tell you that nothing kills the spark like feeling too much pressure. If you feel like you are getting in your head too much about this, then tell your partner. Sex is supposed to be fun and exciting, not something that you need to sweat bullets over getting exactly right. If the mood isn’t right or something isn’t working, it is always better to be honest and try again another time.

Written by Mark Greene

Mark Greene is writer and life coach dedicated to helping men to perform at peak level. He shares dating advice, style tips and strategies for building wealth and success.