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How Can Men Introduce Sex Toys Into Solo or Partnered Play?

Our lives get easier as technology evolves — we all know that. Everything from computers and smartphones to kitchen appliances and air purifiers exists to make everyday tasks more convenient. Still, many people — and men especially — obstinately refuse to take the same approach with their sex lives.

According to a 2014 Guardian article, women are much more likely than men to report the use of sex toys. At that time, 52% of women who were surveyed by the publication said that they had used a sex toy as opposed to 39% of men. Additionally, queer people seem to be even more liberated. In that category, 66% of people reported having used sex toys, whereas only 44% of straight survey takers could claim the same.

Now, we would hope that this pleasure gap has since reduced but even so, we can still see the remnants of this shame in straight men today. With that in mind, we wanted to talk about how we can ditch the sex toy stigma and even bring masturbatory aids into partnered play.

sex toys

Why Do Some Men Shy Away From Using Sex Toys to Masturbate?

Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, we should explain our focus on men. In our culture, everyone is raised to feel a certain kind of way toward sex toys. So why would men be more apprehensive toward them than women?

Well, there’s an idea that men should already have everything they need to satisfy both their own and their partner’s sexual desires. If we’re pleasuring ourselves, we have our trusty hand. And when we’re enjoying partnered play, we have several other tools at our disposal as well.

But just because we can do it all without external aids doesn’t mean that we should. Moreover, that narrative disregards disabled folks who may lack the parts or energy to satisfy themselves and their partners without aid.

Ultimately, using sex toys can lead to more satisfying orgasms. And that doesn’t just apply to the wearer — but any partners they bring into the room too. Once we realize that, all we have to do is have a simple conversation.

Broaching the Subject With a Partner

The stigma surrounding male masturbatory aids is dissolving before our eyes. Still, getting a sex toy for yourself is different than getting one you could use with your partner. Depending on the kind of relationship we’re talking about, that may not be a thing we should spring on our partners. But how can we bring ourselves to discuss such a topic?

Well, as a rule, most people recommend bringing it up outside of the bedroom. Or rather, you can have the talk in the bedroom — but preferably not during sex. You never know if the conversation will kill the mood or spice it up.

Alternatively, if you’re looking to bring the subject up to a new partner, you should probably wait until you’ve had a few dates with them. Just don’t take too long to mention your sexual desires — for your sake as well as your partner’s.

Once you manage to start the conversation, your approach will differ based on your understanding of your partner. For example, you might start by explaining how you think a sex toy might help both you and your partner achieve the orgasms of your dreams. You might end up having to reassure your partner if they express feelings of inadequacy.

And if they’re on board, you can even shop for toys together! If you’re still on the fence, you might want to avoid the super realistic genitalia-shaped products. Instead, look for effective but subtle options. Nowadays, some of them even look like modern art you can keep right on your bedside table!

Choosing the Right Toy for the Occasion

When shopping for the best sex toys for men, we have to start by establishing whether we’re looking for masturbatory aids or products we can use during partnered activities. Between that and putting a cap on the budget, we should be able to substantially narrow down our options.

Consider Different Kinds of Toys

In the old days, most sex toys on the market were focused on female pleasure. And even though men could indeed find a use for vibrators and dildoes, many of the products that are on the market right now were designed with penises in mind. For example, we can use:

  • Masturbation sleeves, which are tubular or condom-shaped products made of silicone. We recommend using them to masturbate or increase the size of the penis during penetrative sex.
  • Masturbators, which are more advanced massagers that incorporate suction and vibration features. Some of these products even have two ends, making them perfect for gay sex.
  • Cock rings, which can help us extend sexual activities and even provide additional stimulation for partners with vulvas.
  • Prostate stimulators, which tend to be vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, and other anal play toys.
  • Inflatable or more realistic sex dolls to help us simulate oral, vaginal, or anal sex. These products can be shaped like recognizable pop culture characters or even have more customizable features.

On top of all that, men can use more kink-related sex toys as well. Remember, bondage tools like nipple clamps, gags, and cuffs aren’t just for women.

Look for Quality Materials

One of the most important things about shopping for sex toys is making sure you’re getting them from trustworthy manufacturers. That’s the only way to know what kind of materials went into making the products you’ll put in and on your body!

Typically, modern sex toys are usually made of silicone, but some can have metal or plastic parts. But ultimately, knowing the exact composition of materials you’re working with also allows you to choose the best lube. When in doubt — go for water-based lubricants. Silicone-based ones can seriously damage silicone toys!

Figure Out the Cleanup Process

Different sex toys require different levels of care. Most of the time, we should be able to get away with cleaning them with soap and warm water after each use. Just keep in mind that the toys need to be fully dry before we store them away.

If you want to disinfect your toys more thoroughly, you could get non-porous glass or steel ones. That would allow you to boil them after each use. Then again, if you’re the only one using them, such extreme measures won’t be necessary.

On the other hand, if you’re sharing toys with other people, you should ideally use condoms as well. Specifically, if you’re having sex with partners you’re not fluid bonded with, using a new condom every time a toy switches hands is a good idea. And, of course, you should still wash the toy itself when the barrier comes off.

How to Use Sex Toys On Yourself and Your Partners

Ultimately, the way we use sex toys should be up to the individual — and their partner. On the one hand, some people might only use them to masturbate in private. However, those who decide to be more adventurous might ask their partner to use the toys on them instead. Either method can be completely pleasurable as long as we’re using a toy we’re comfortable with.

Written by Mark Greene

Mark Greene is writer and life coach dedicated to helping men to perform at peak level. He shares dating advice, style tips and strategies for building wealth and success.