The First Crucial Steps in Learning How to Seduce a Woman

How many times have you made an advance on the hottie at the other end of the bar, only to somehow blow it from the get go? There are very few men out there that can claim this has never happened to them.

As I write this, I am sitting at a bar with a female-friend of mine, she is distractedly on her phone while I silently tap away; while some drunken ass moves in cumbersomely behind her, grabs the tag from her jumper and yells into her ear “MADE IN HEAVEN!”

I chuckle to myself and I can see by her facial expression that within the very first second of their interaction, my friend has already decided that she hates him. He, being oblivious to it hangs around in her peripherals like a fly around a horse, waiting for his ever-so-charming pick up line to take effect.

I fear he will be waiting a long time:​

how to seduce a woman

Fortunately, this has given me something to write about in earnest, in the hopes that I can help the hopeless to not make the same mistake that this chump did.

So, let’s get started.

How to Seduce a Woman: The Vital Steps​

The first Approach is the crucial one

Possibly the most difficult part of how to seduce a woman is the very act of approaching her. So many men suffer from anxiety about this, and it doesn’t do them any good in the long run.

So, to start off, don’t overthink your first move. A good rule is to make a move within the first three seconds of making your decision. This way you don’t give yourself the opportunity to look like you’re trying too hard.​

Next, be careful not to approach her too directly, this will only put up her guards, lessening your chances of success. A generally good rule is to approach her from a 45-degree angle, this way she can see you coming, but won’t feel like you are storming her.

But there is more to a good approach than just getting into her proximity without having her call the police:

Once you’ve gotten close enough to strike up a conversation, continue as though you are only half involved in the conversation. Say something like ‘I’ll just be a minute, I need to get back to my friends”, it will make her feel comfortable, make your intentions less obvious, and will also make her feel like she needs to work a little for your attention.​

Respect her personal space, don’t get in too close and don’t get in her face, it makes you seem needy at best, and creepy at the worst.

Let her come into it, read her body language to gauge how open she is becoming in your presence, and convince her that it is you that she is working for with non-verbal communication (there is no room for being arrogant here).​

Break the Ice right and the hard Work is done

According to a study done by the site Public Works, it takes no more than 7 seconds for a person to decide whether they like you or not; and so with this in mind, you might end up feeling the pressure of getting your first-impressions to do what they need to.

That is, to show your value as someone who is worthwhile bedding, or simply getting to know.

It’s a lot easier for women of course (especially where the former is concerned), all they need to do is show a man that they are interested in sex and perhaps show a little skin, it usually doesn’t take much more than that to peak a man’s interest.

A woman on the other hand is generally interested in something a little less shallow. They need to know that they can have fun with you, that you are engaging, and that you have a certain level of confidence and respect not often found in other men.

But how on Earth are you supposed to get all of that out in under 7 seconds?

Well it’s not as difficult as you would imagine, in this case, instead of fobbing you off with trite advice like ‘be yourself’, it would be better to give her room to be herself.

What do I mean by that?

Putting her in a situation where you clearly see her as something other than just another person can be romantic suicide, and your efforts will be dead before they even hit the floor.

Pick-up lines, boisterous behaviour and negging might not have a negative impact once you start getting to know each other, but as a way of making contact, will do you no good.

There are scores of blogs written by women on how to seduce a woman and what kind of approaches are the least likely to work, and just about all of them scorn the types of behaviour mentioned above.

You want a nearly fool-proof approach. Try just introducing your self to her like a normal person.

Check out this video:​

Showing your interest will give her something to think about

I’m not just talking about the fact that you are interested in her sexually, there’s only so far that this strategy will take you.

Grinding up on her in a club and forcing promiscuous contact on her will make things uncomfortable, and might land you up getting pepper-sprayed (and rightfully so, stop making a bad example of men please).

When I say show that you are interested in her, I really mean ‘her’ as a person. Ask her questions about her interests, even if the questions you ask seem a little too cliché. What sort of music does she like, what movies is she interested in, does she study, what does she do for work?

Getting her to open up a little bit about herself will lower some of the boundaries she may have set to fob off the jerks that constantly surround her, and will also give you a means of catering for her interests in a thoughtful way, at a later stage.

Even if all she is interested in is sex, brashly trying to get it out of her will sink your ship.​

Show her a good time

There is a stark difference between meanings when men say show her a good time, and what a good time actually means to a woman.

It’s not about giving her a jolly good routing; and while sex is a hell of a lot of fun, it’s not what should be (obviously) on the forefront of your mind at the outset.

Look, I know that it’s easier said than done to be a fun person, especially when you’re not really feeling it, but if you come across as a boring one, you’ll stand no real chance of seducing her.

Practice being bubbly and playful, and be open to having fun (who knows, you might actually enjoy yourself).

Another important thing in this regard is to try not to be negative. Bitching about the food on your date, the volume of the music in the club or the loud-mouth at the other end of the bar will just make you seem like miserable company. So, practice optimism, even if you think the glass is half empty.

Basically, you want your initial interactions to come across a naturally as possible. She doesn’t want to think that you’ve been devising plans to get into her pants all evening, but would much rather enjoy a casual exchange with potential.

You certainly don’t want to spend all evening trying to exchange eye-contact (once is enough), overdoing it will make you look like a bit of a stalker, which is never an attractive quality.


So go out there, (and while I hate to say it, here it is…) be yourself and try and act as naturally as you can. Have faith and confidence in yourself to be able to talk to her as if she is a normal person and not an object of sex or a goddess. Keep it simple, keep it natural, and you’ll do just fine.

Written by Terrence Kennedy

Terrence Kennedy is the man’s man on a journey to self-discovery. A traveler, extreme sports aficionado, an observant wanderer, a DIY-Know-How, an ultimate outsider and a documentarist of culture, sex, dating, relationship, fashion, style and gentleman's etiquette. He has learned a lot through his escapades, and is happy to pass that knowledge on to you.