Mark Greene
Admit That You Lied to Your Loved One
Most people had to tell a lie at one point or another in their lives. Basically, this lie is small and insignificant, but sometimes it is also large, which entails serious consequences. Getting out of such a situation can be difficult, and it doesn’t matter if it was a small lie that got out of hand or a blatant lie that just didn’t get away with you. Admitting and trying to become more honest is a laudable impulse, but be prepared for the fact that the path to self-improvement may not be easy.
Think about why you lied.
Take some time to ponder your actions and reveal hidden motives. This does not mean that you need to try to find an excuse for your behavior – rather, you need to try to more fully realize what happened and why. Such introspection will help you avoid similar behavior in the future, and it will be easier for the person you admit to understand you.
If you regularly see a psychologist, ask them to help you get deeper into the problem. If you don’t work with a psychologist, try to write about your lies in a diary or do self-analysis exercises, and then check to see if this leads to any insight.
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Decide who should listen to your confession.
You should tell the truth to everyone you may have hurt in the course of your lies, and to everyone you lied to. In some cases, everything is clear. For example, if you lied while applying for a job, notify the employee of the personnel department who conducted the interview. However, sometimes the problem is not so simple: it is possible that people are involved here whom you didn’t directly lie to, but who at the same time was affected by your lie or involved in it. For example, if you cheated on an exam, you should tell about this not only to your teacher but also to parents who should know about your behavior.
If you must reveal a lie to several parties, confess to each separately, instead of bringing everyone together. So it will be easier for you to behave directly and openly. In addition, it will show people to whom you admit that you respect them and appreciate them enough to personally speak with them.
Set a time and date for your conversation.
Although an impromptu conversation can be productive, it’s usually best to set aside a special time for the conversation. Thanks to this, you can gather your thoughts in advance and avoid distracting factors such as other people’s conversations or work obligations. Choose a time when you and the other person can think clearly. In other words, it is better to avoid a lunch break or morning hours when people are often absorbed in work problems.
Choose neutral territory.
If you are sitting at one of you in the living room, you may feel that the owner has an advantage over the person you are talking to, so carefully think about a place before making an appointment. A good option could be public places, for example, a coffee shop or a shop in the park. However, make sure that it is not too crowded; otherwise, you will be distracted, or it will be inconvenient for you to discuss personal matters in the presence of strangers.
Maintain eye contact.
Looking in the eyes means sincerity, and it can play a significant role in how a person perceives your apologies. Remember: despite the fact that you were wrong in telling a lie, yet to realize and acknowledge your action is a noble cause. Allow yourself to be proud of your decision and admit that it requires courage.
State your lie.
As briefly and clearly as possible, indicate what you lied to. If the interlocutor is ready to listen, explain the reason or related factors of a lie, but make sure that it does not sound like you are trying to find an excuse for your act. Use “I” when talking about your lies. Thanks to this, you will not go on charges and will not begin to blame others.
